Anchorman 3 : The Ron Burgundy saga (with 7.63 new R-rated jokes!)

Braking News : 7.63 mishaps and dingbat spoons

                      Lower case 1 : Bound for Scrutiny Bay

             Ron: The Mayflower's in June or July? What a glorious summer to set sail..
                      I remember her fondly. What's May doing in June? Women...

                      Sweet pollination of J Edgar Hoover. Look two women cavorting!

      (I would add the picture but you should be over 21 to look at XXX rated. Unless
      you do figure drawing or work at GCHQ's 'Optic Nerve') 

       

      Veronica: I think you'll find the Mayflower set sail in September with pilgrims!

              Ron: Did they make a lot of progress?

      Veronica: Yes..I believe as fart as the bible belt

              Ron: Hockey puck! Ha..you just said fart!

      Veronica: SOB         

              Ron: And we like to keep a tight reign on them don't we Champ?

         Champ: Whammy pants!

                         Upper Case 2 : Edwin Musick

               Ron:  Within ten years PAN AM will be over?!...With no basis of scientific fact?

                        Haven't we just got out of the economic downturn of the 70's! 

                        I'm reading a robust statement here. Does this need citation?
                        Have we any proof?!

                                               

                        Who are they kidding – selling off the Pan Am building to Metropolitan Life

                        is only for insurance right? I may not be a scientist but on what fact is this
                        basis coming from?

                        Can I check my Life Policy please...who does accounts around here?

                        On the Case 3 : The Big Bad Wolf of... 

               Ron: 'We are floating on a sea of iniquity..' I'll try that again, just need to take a

                        little more 'bottled water' and it's only 10 cents by the way...

                        'We are floating in a sea of antiquity...' What is in this water? 

                        I think we are floating on a sea of inequity?'
                        What has the world come to...?

                                                  

                        Has anyone looked out the window. I can sea Noah's flood has arrived...

                        on Wall Street.

                        Down on 4 : Mayor Giuliani

                 

              Ron:  Go to Hell New York!

   Ed Harken:  You just told New York to go to Hell!

              Ron:  O' okay..what? Listen, I just read off the Teleprompter...Brick!!

   Ed Harken:  Run the autocue again without insults..

              Ron: Without Don Rickles?! No way. Don't kick yourself. New York is Hell...
                      have you seen the gun crime here? No wonder Charles Bronson is a
                      vigilante. Move to LA.. it's a sure Winner and it's safer..

      Veronica:  Sorry about that. You know glib is Ron's second name. Next on the agenda

                       is 'Hello New York' And I am such a professional

               Ron: 'O' darn it...that's landed me on the Alfred Ely Beach naughty station step..

             Brick: I love...New York!

               Ron: You Stay Classy New York!

                        Upper deck 5 : Smokin' Aces..  

               Ron: I'm going to Mount Vesuvius and smoke her like a cigar!

                        ..Up Pompeii! (It doesn't mean anything..I just liked the sound of it :)

                         Legends of 6 : Raise the flag..half mast

                Ron: Forty years of Shock Tactics 63 to 2003! Year of the Cat! Ngo Dinh Diem!
                        False Flags! WMD of a Red Herring! Matrix Churchill! Oliver North!
                        Security lapse in the laps of the FBI! Pan Am oversight..New Year Ethiopia!?

         Veronica: Enkutatash?

                Ron: Gazuntite! Ffs whatever order you like...my tash is exactly Julian Time.
                        Lets play Tonkin slash Tonka games....again and again and again!

                        Is this on repeat? Can we stop, play and rewind now?! Do we need to verify

                        this...can someone please teach history properly! 

                        When myth becomes a legend after the truth and I'm a LEGEND OF TRUTH

                        nay sayers!

                         Full deck 7 : The Swarm

                  

                Ron: BEES UNDER ARREST! Public Enemy No.1! Official!

                        CIA is in no mood for Bees! The CIA are now arresting bees in Afghanistan
                        out of desperation called Operation High Hive... that's original?

                        With a Russian slash French veto to stop the pollination of poppies for
                        Opium! When asked by our Field reporter what the story for this was
                        Agent Orange said Helmand honey will be used and they are trying to
                        get bees drunk as a skunk!

                         Is this adding to our bee problem?...Brick do you know anything about
                         this?!! Can I go to Candyland with you?

                         They still allow Russians to eat the poisonous honey...which decade are
                         we in?

                         In fact which millennium...can't we just send honey to invading armies of
                         Rome?

                         Can someone please find Fantana he's been looking ill recently...why is his
                         cabinet full of Gunpowder and Orange Lines?

     

                         The Honeymoon is over people...

                           And the Percentage of 7.63 is...weather permitting 763 is enough?!

                  Ron: Tell me Brick. Do I ride out this storm for a retractment? Or do the

                          odds favour a bounce?

                Brick: Well if you take a look at Canada you will see the oils well down..

                  Ron: I got burned on that last request. Anything else behind this
                          cotton bull?

                Brick: Crude is about to hit the trend..

                  Ron: Trending now?

           Fantana: It's the 2014 Ryan Air Hostess Charity Calender!  

                Brick: I love...Teenage Cancer Tryst 

                (Enter ALL the lovely women aka hot babes from the youtube clip...)

                  Ron: Tell you what girls I'm well mannered...and I might say well manicured

                          kind of guy. I'll get up for you. My s.t.a.t.u.s? It's not a big deal...
            Champ: Girls..how do you all like it? Behind the desk? Or lamp on the desk?

                Brick: Fantana's under the table! Loud noises!

                  Ron: And I imagine along with the rest of us... 

Swell. 763 new jokes!
Made like a cask of scotch drunk in 2 hours or more
 One that took over a decade to..ferment

Scotch!
Dedicated to Harold Ramis   

                  Ramis: There's a moral notion that negative emotions have consequences. And
                              in big cities like New York and Los Angeles bad vibes can build up...
        
                     Ron: Oh wise Ramisses! He's a deity you know
                             You Stay Classy with positive vibes Cities of the World!                                            

                                                

Police Squad : The Interceptor aka PSI

polite police initiatives aka ppi

A Police Squad State (one half of a story) : Showing Initiative

In the previous titled episode the word on the street was the word and it was PATH...drawn in like big chalk letters in the middle of the road. It was a mystery...

Frank Drebin: After going down the wrong way up a one way street I came to a dead end. Then I noticed it had been raining and whatever evidence there was had been and gone.. or otherwise.. washed away?! But then as now the flood reminded me that I too had a path to follow. One that I definitely wouldn't be walking on. No..this was like a crawl but I preferred to paddle...

As I swam I gained confidence with the backstroke and as my car floated away the most unlikely of events took hold. One that would involve Stilts, Jamaican Junkanoo, a bottle of Baby Sham..and two dutch twin sisters both called Katrina to share...a massage in the road? Unfortunately the bed from the next house was floating away and my mind kept on wandering...

Why had I come to New Orleans? What was I doing here and how did I get here?

Why was that fella Sean Penn fly fishing? Who was firing unarmed shots at Danziger Bridge?

Who was the enemy? Wasn't the army already invading elsewhere?

And exactly why was Mel Gibson driving a yellow Bus saving all those peoples lives en-route

to Houston?

Was it a plain old fashioned rescue? Was it redemption? Was it a zip wire of racial tension

that rose higher than the waters over the levees? It took a little more than initiative to understand...

President Bush knew he was obviously a crazy lethal weapon...but somebody had to tell him?

Was it on this soggy note I'd been given...?

And what did those words 'Bus is lethal weap' mean?

                                                            

Naked Gun 33 1/3  

Remember the 'Police Force' will always be with you

Always...that includes the Texas federal law NRA!  

Anchorman 3 : X Part 'Ten' slash Xtra X-Rated? slash X-Ray? slash Xerox? slash Xylophone? slash X-ray tetra fish?! XXX

The Future is Burgundy

from 18th february

       Champ: Hey Ron do you know where my Bo Derek picture went?

       Ron: Nope!

       Fantana: I've found it...

 altered states

    Champ: Nice going Team...

    Ron:  I did the Xylophone!

    Fantana: I love playing the Xylophone!

    Brick: LOUD NOISES!

    Fantana: Nice touch with the er X-Ray Tetra Fish there Brick...

    Ron: Do you like how I drew the 'Mexican moustache'?!

    Fantana: Brilliant..looks like mine! It's a handlebar by the way

    Ron: I knew I was an artist

    Fantana: I suppose you're wondering where the copier went?

    Ron: Yep! X really does hit the spot...the inner thigh gentlemen

    Fantana: I did it tastefully. I actually missed the spot...

    Brick: I've been using the X-Ray glasses but they only work in Airports...

    Champ: Whammy!

     Enter the girls after the Valentine doo...

     Chani: Oh Brick how could you!!

     Brick: (pointing to the others) They put me up to it I had nothing to do with it...look
     I'll paste slash attach this for you..

now that you're here

    Chani: Xanadu that's sweet

    Brick: Especially for you in black and white because they never had color back then..
    ..in print. Color was expensive?!

    Chani: It's my favourite film! (notice the spelling..it's with a 'u' ok I was being generous
    above)

    Ron:  Olivia Neutron Bomb!

    Fantana: ONB! Boys ONB!

    Ron: I love ELO

    Champ: Xanadu?! Why no X-Factor?

    Fantana: Only Britney Spears has that and she's just an updated Debbie Gibson...

    Veronica: I love....D&G

    Chani: I love...BT

    Brick: I love...BB

    Champ: Bebe?

    Fantana: Brigitte Bardot! Knockout !

    Veronica: I don't think she'd be going for your Bats Champ...or Polar Bears

    Champ: Stuff Polar Bears I'm going drilling in the arctic...before the Russians get there

    Stewie Griffin: I told Putin to go sort out the Rainbow Warrior before the Olympics to
                            stir up some good publicity!

     Brian Griffin: You're wrong there it's the Arctic Sunrise the French blew up the other
                            one..

    Stewie Griffin: It was a double bluff idiot! A boat is a boat. I'm going for the oil myself
    and I'm recreating 'There will be blood' but in icy cold conditions!? I'm sooo glad we've
    got Alaska from the Russians. Me and Sarah Palin are bosom buddies you know!

    Brian Griffin: You kind of like shooting yourself in the foot don't you

    Ron: You Stay Classy Brigitte Bardot!

    Fantana: I'd Neknominate Bebe back in the 50's...if I could time travel like Brick

    Champ: Please lets not go through another Back to the Future link...

    Brick: What's Neknominate?

    Fantana: Like kiss chase but for bigger kids

    Champ: You mean all I had to do was neknominate...my girlfriend? To look that good in
    ASDA?

    Fantana: It's cheaper there and now everyone's downing Stella...

    Ron: Was that her name?

    Fantana: No. But she looked great. I sent her a Valentine!

    Brick: Loud Noises?

    Veronica: YOU ARE SUCH BIG KIDS!!  You've lowered the tone already...

    (She's seething a bit you know even after Valentines. The 'Tea Party' with Ron wasn't 
    that great)
     
    Ron: Yep! Wait until I put up your 'Toilet of Venus', now that really would be X-rated!

    Veronica: What are you saying? Does my derriere look big in it?

    Ron: Thats XXX rated!

    Champ: Yeah like when's that happening?

    Brick: Ask China!

    Chani: They stop everything...I told them to

    Fantana: I'm on the XXX lobby. And I'm too busy trying to sort all this stuff out on the net
    and I'm sooo tired

    Veronica: By the way Ron YOU can't play the Xylophone...and your hair is a mess!

    Fantana: Ouch! I can play the piano...

    Ron: Stop picking on me woman my hair is by Max Factor and you are rubbish at the
    didgeridoo!

    Veronica: Well it's still raining and this is continuing until Russell Crowe comes to save us
    in Noah...

    Brick: I think it's a B-movie

    Ron: Is this guy getting payments from Paramount for this? We've been keeping things
    hot on the go here! And it's exactly two months since the cinema release. Seriously I just
    poured like my heart out on Valentines and I never even got a response from my
    followers..
    I'm not sure I can hold it together much longer. I'm going to make another tea soon and I
    even sent it to myself...can't you hear me cryin' for cryin out loud?! And if no-one got
    the Tea Party joke in there I will eat Champ's HAT!

    Champ: Now hold on Ron. Here let me put my arm around you. It's going to be okay.
    I think we'll be out on DVD soon

    Ron: (blubbing) I can't wait..and I hate VD Day and I hate Tea I prefer scotch, scotch,
    scotch....
    (He really is a mess, runny nose and red eyes...it was a bad week to give up..decaf Tea)

    Veronica: It's your own fault Ron. I GOT SUNBURN! And YOU sold the pictures to Playboy!

    Fantana: That WI guy he's still got an HMV voucher to use from Xmas..I think he's waiting

    Veronica: Paramount have already had copyright issues with this...

    Champ: Oh?

    Fantana: Yeah - they don't think were funny enough!

    Ron: Listen team lets watch '10' to focus...and away from the women they can't take a
    joke

    Brick: Lets use some of that cinematic imagination like the good ol' days?

    Chani: Brick. You're watching Xanadu with me and not '10' you hear!

    Fantana: I just imagine it...and things happen you know

    Champ: Whammy...!
  

when life was a beach

BeLive TV 1980 cont...Before the World became TV

...when bottled water was just a Californian fad and not a daily accessory

Ron: I always need to hydrate it's good for the vowels!  

As if everyone's going to become suddenly dehydrated at a moments notice when It only used to be put in a flask when you went off camping.., when MacDonalds was just a farmyard tale and not some huge beef ranch proxy conglomerate in Brazil that had ambitions to be in every town and city, we just had Wimpy

Fantana: Bunch of wimps. Can I have a one that goes purrr  

when you still found the joke about the Royal family being German funny

Rich man: Don't bring that up in this Great War to End all Wars?! Centenary. And I never say it's Saxe-Coburg-Gotha because I have a good lawyer
Ron: Triple barrelled name eh..they're innovators then?
Veronica: No. Survivors. 

when Windsor was just a Safari Park and you used GLUE with Airfix (have they banned that UHU?) Action Man was not a doll okay! And  Lego didn't come with instruction instructions, Apple and Orange were 'fruit' & not trademarks! It's okay Macca you got there first with the 
Apple libel, when we could all enjoy the Olympics because no Americans had showed up and we won loads more medals in Moscow and Great Britain was Great Britain and not Team GB

Champ: Hey we ain't never gonna deal with those Russian commies...yet. And to hell with your Olympics the year before was much better.

Ron: Why's that Champ?  

Champ: Cos it was a RIOT! Whammy!

Brick: I love...Farcebook!

And don't get me to explain why in the World Cup we never have a GB Football Team? It's the UK but this is England (technically not a Country it's just a big County..they dropped the 'R') and we don't have any Scots or Welsh or Irish (if they want to) play in the team?! Would we win then...where's Ryan Giggs when we needed him? And truth be told Jubilee is the true National Anthem or is it Land of Hope and Glory? I can't decide...is it the Olympics again? Confused.com

when you could watch that kid on Dagobah have a picnic with Luke on 'Jim'll Fix It' without now having to re-edit your childhood 'TV' memories?!, when you could be captivated by watching the Empire Strikes Back without having to put up with the prequels, (I'm willing for A New Hope on the sequels though..!), when Montana was a US state and not Monsanto

Champ: I always make that mistake and I always use only the best GM food..

when children used to walk to school and wear fur collared coats in the rain, when there was no holes in the o-zone layer or bic pens, when opal fruits were made to make your mouth water, when marathons were chocolate bars and not something held every year in London slash Newcastle, when you could flick a coke can ring pull across the classroom..those things were cool and really sharp! So sharp people collected them..! when no-one? put stupid things in products and now we can't get to our toothpastes that easy and undoing stuff has became such a hazard involving scissors, knives or a cut tooth..

Ron: Yeah we use guns to shoot the tops off now!

Champ: I use a shotgun to get to my presents

when Chemistry and Biology were taught individually and not combined together to make Scientology, when creation was Darwins theory and when schools weren't told what to teach by the Govt?...left wing councillors then?..No. It's European directives telling Britain what to do from Brussels...and when Trinity did not mean Trinity from the Matrix, when Jesus...

Judge Cleese: This is much better much better but overlong Caxton how did you get out of the Dungeon?! Must of been a slip knot. And please do not mention the Life of Brian..I'm fed up going on chat shows trying to explain satire

Barrister Palin: I think you may find lots of articles under Swedenborg Interesting

poorman: i actually liked all three matrix films the trinity was made up

Barrister Palin: Liar! I'm going to throw Old Testament stones at you for that..even though you're a ghost

William Caxton: Can someone tell me what I AM AND NOT ALLOWED TO PRINT?! Am I a free thinker anymore...?

Rich man: Divide and rule we read it and teach it...

JOAN RIVERS: Do as I do I'm a woman. Women RULE and I don't give a S***!

Ed: *aka THIS* for any kids reading this..but then who said the Internet was for kids? How did I get on here? Look what I'm writing?! You might even learn something...anyway you're exams are well easy these days and you can opt out of History?! slash Geography?! at 14!? you get all your answers off the internet anyway...?

when New meant New York and not New Labour which really meant without Kinnock, when the babies you saw in the prams would have the future in their hands and be the first ones to live their lives on the internet we were busy doing our utmost by giving them a never ending story known as The War on Terror, when the worlds population was 4.5 billion people and not 7 billion, when the Black Rhino was not extinct and when Lennon was still alive...

ps and not only but also Peter Sellers...before the year was out

  

I love...smash

 Lennon: Bagism is Art...make Life Art and Get a Life!

 Buy books for children..that way they will hold something not plastic but made from carbon.

19th March (part 11) 18th Feb (part 10) 14th Feb (part 9) 12th Feb (part8) 8th Feb (part7) 6thFeb (part6 episode2), 4th Feb (part6), 28th Jan (part5), 24th Jan (part4), 22nd Jan (part3), 18th Jan (part2), 14th Jan (part1)

Police Squad : The case of the smoking gun

It's the word on the street. And someone wrote PATH...in like big chalk letters in the middle of the ROAD. It was a mystery and Frank Drebin was the right man to lead the way, driving down the wrong way up a dead end street

crime busters

Police Squad : The case of the smoking gun 

Ed Hocken: How's your day Frank?

Frank Drebin: I fried a kid today

Ed Hocken: You fried a kid? What the hell for?

Frank Drebin: Smoking, the usual

Ed Hocken: Did you put him out?

Frank Drebin: Yeah, I put him out of his misery

Ed Hocken: You shot him?

Frank Drebin: No, I left him smoking in the corridor

Ed Hocken: Why didn't you put it out?

Frank Drebin: And take away another mans pleasure?

Ed Hocken: Cigarette?

Frank Drebin: Yes. I know

Ed Hocken: You didn't light it did you?

Frank Drebin: No. I don't smoke

Ed Hocken: You gave it up?... I never knew that

Frank Drebin: Lighting up and smoking for pleasure is a nasty business and I never inhale

Ed Hocken: Putting a Cigarette in your mouth won't harm you

Frank Drebin: Then don't light it

Ed Hocken: Well, I'll play safe. I've got a whole packet of cigarettes in my mouth right now

Frank Drebin: You certainly have and you've left the celophane on...I like your style

Ed Hocken: Yes I have ?

Frank Drebin: And good shoes? Non of this shammy leather. Because I'm going to give you
some solid ground of advice as a precaution

Ed Hocken: Don't you mean Caution?

Frank Drebin: Right now I want to know how you can speak with a packet of cigarettes in your mouth?

Ed Hocken: I'm writing this down..

Frank Drebin: I often wondered what those prompt cards were. Fine. I'm writing down - CAUTION. Proceed.

Ed Hocken: Fine? Okay, but what are the costs? I've only got $50 in my wallet

Frank Drebin: A bribe won't get you anywhere. But $75 might do it.. and you can get the next bus out of this town and into a whole lotta other states depending on whether it's legal to take bribes. But I don't need to know about that.

Ed Hocken: Why?

Frank Drebin: Because it's your body and one's body is not the same as anybody else's body unless that body belonged to a body that respected itself, held its body in high regard and put it safely to bed at night so that that body was taken care of like nobody's elses business. And I'd own that body like it was my own body keeping it warm during office hours. A body of work that had a good clean reputation and one body that wouldn't leave anybody disappointed. Why even at night we'd watch a body of stars, make fire, eat nan bread, down bohitos and tequila. Like I said before, like nobody else's business and more importantly It's not in my body of jurisdiction and my body of remit is narrow for these kinds of things

Ed Hocken: How narrow?

Frank Drebin: Like a gnats windpipe

Airplane?  Yes. I know 

  

Ed Hocken: That was quite a body of words for such a cautionary tale...have you another?

Frank Drebin: Yes. I've put a barrier up, cordoned off the vicinity at least four blocks down and there's a police helicopter on its way with trained experts armed with super sniper rifles and it only takes one of these who can shoot a Lucky Strike within a two mile radius! No-one can get in or out of the city...I've put an APB on you and there's a curfew after 9pm and its exactly 21:09 and you're nine minutes over twenty one hundred hours

Ed Hocken: Nien

Frank Drebin: That's wrong No? Surely you mean Yes

Ed Hocken: Nein. Sorry spelling mistake and Shirley always said Yes

Frank Drebin: No. You still spelt nine wrong. Can't you spell the right time? I said nine minutes past the hour. Nine was the curfew. Shirley's turning up later

Ed Hocken: She can't just turn up on a whim?

Frank Drebin: Can't she keep appointments anymore no one told me. It's late and I've got to get home soon. Don't you know there's a War on?

Ed Hocken: Why did you go overboard with all that Security?

Frank Drebin: I didn't, we're not on a boat. This is dry land.

Ed Hocken: Land of the Free..

Frank Drebin: To do whatever the hell we want

Ed Hocken: The hell you do

Frank Drebin: I'm arresting you for getting me into this hell

Ed Hocken: The hell you are

Frank Drebin: Who the hells going to clear all this mess up...Shirley?

Ed Hocken: I'm only sucking on a packet of cigarettes?

Frank Drebin: She always gave me that old excuse too

Ed Hocken: And I told you those things were dangerous.

Frank Drebin: Women

Ed Hocken: Men. Not to your health but mine as well

Frank Drebin: Spit it out

Ed Hocken: I will do no such a thing

Frank Drebin: There's only one thing for it. I'm going to have to put you out of my misery too

Ed Hocken: Oh?

Frank Drebin: I'm putting you in the corridor with that other guy Rooster I fried he's nothing but a coward too

Ed Hocken: But I don't like fried Chicken

Frank Drebin: Well you can both smoulder together tonite until you both go out..

Ed Hocken: On a date?

Frank Drebin: Like I said that's none of my business and I don't like dates

(within Frank's mindset) : I would've called him a cowardly lion but the chicken disguise gave it away...

Ed Hocken: I never realised Police work would be so tiring. I've built up quite an appetite

Frank Drebin: That's smoking for you. And remember you're more than welcome to chew on the gristle and save the wings for later.

Ed Hocken: But I prefer the breast

Frank Drebin: Doesn't any man. Its part of the perks of the job

Ed Hocken: This job in hand?

Frank Drebin: No not this one, definitely not this one. Try the other hand

Ed Hocken: Oh. Yes I see now

Frank Drebin: You need to take time off work and ease that stress

Ed Hocken: Okay. Hey look it's Shirley

Frank Drebin: Hi Shirley.

Shirley Shore: Hi Frank, how's Ed? Still into the cigarettes in the mouth routine

Frank Drebin: Yeah you? Still keeping safe with the wrapper?

Shirley Shore: Yeah. I'm on low Tar now thanks

Frank Drebin: Don't you take it with a filter?

Shirley Shore: Oh you know just rollups, the usual...

Ed Hocken: Shirley you are a sight for sore eyes, you saved me

Shirley Shore: Surely you can't be serious

Ed Hocken: I am serious

Frank Drebin: And she's a woman but that's not important right now

Ed Hocken: Listen I'm going for an early night cap

Shirley Shore: So am I

Frank Drebin: See you in the morning but I think the Rooster will wake you up before I do

footnote

Anchorman 3 : The future is Burgundy part 9 (includes nine Burgundy line cigars)

   

The Future is Burgundy

Valentines Day: aka Veronica Doing Day slash VD-Day

Exterior: Taking Tea with Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone outside their San Diego Penthouse Mansion Suite Lakeside Condo-Valley House

Poolside : Taking photo's as only a Canon Can..da doo ron ron ron the do ron ron

Veronica: Do you know that it's Valentines Day today?

Ron: Nope!

Veronica: Oh I know you've got a surprise for me haven't you?

Ron: Nope!

Veronica: I will so give you a Chinese burn if you don't...

Ron: Have you ever seen how my Cannon works?

Veronica: Sorry, what was that you were saying..Canon?

Ron: It's my new David Bailey venture and I think you need to get behind the lens...

Venture: Are you saying I need a hobby?

Ron: I have an artistic eye you know. Lots of Hullywood celebrity couples need to take pictures of themselves on camera to update their agency folios and it's all cool we get to keep the negatives...

Veronica: Now that's very reassuring hunny in this day and age..is this a ruse or part of a surprise?

Ron: It's all part of the fun sweetie and I'm adding a little flavour to the standard ones and besides I've always wanted a candid portrait of you on the wall especially now that we can't afford that artist guy

Veronica: You mean the so-called Wyeth inspired one?

Ron: Yeah that one. This way it's a lot cheaper.

Veronica: So long as it's just between you and me?

Ron: Sure. Are you up for it?

Veronica: Let's just say you need time to adjust hun...

Ron: Well, I'll make a bargain with you. If you would let me make a cup of Tea for you to relax first with a Cannon..then will you see how my..Canon works?

Veronica: It might end up with you giving me the Canon for the sake of a cup of Tea?

Ron: Are you saying it will?

Veronica: Can we have Tea first I'd rather relax second...I need to be in the mood

Ron: Let's make Tea! UHT?

Veronica: You hate Tea?!

Ron: No. I know you like Tea?!

Veronica: Yes. But you hate Tea?

Ron: No! I like Tea..this is UHT

Veronica: Semi?

Ron: Thanks for asking...

Veronica: I think it's Fine

Ron: Here have this (hands VC a letter)

Veronica: You sent me a letter..?

Ron: Yes I did. And it's in my own hand using my very own Burgundy ballpoint ink pen

Veronica: A letter U..?

Ron: Yes. I sent you a letter U

Veronica: Why?

Ron: Because U always comes after T

Veronica: I thought T comes before U

Ron: Correct.

Veronica: Tea comes before you?

Ron: We always have this argument

Veronica: You sent Tea by letter too?

Ron: Yes two is a number woman. I sent T by letter and were having Tea too

Veronica: You too?

Ron: U2? You're not having me go down that road again

Veronica: Well what comes after U too?

Ron: You V for...

Veronica: For Veronica?

Ron: Yes

Veronica: V for Veronica comes after U?

Ron: Correct

Veronica: And T comes before U?

Ron: Yup

Veronica: And how can you send Tea in a letter?

Ron: With Instructions

Veronica: Is Tea really that small?

Ron: No. I use a large font and christen T's with the sign of the cross as my mother taught
me I always cross my T's

Veronica: Isn't the water cold?

Ron: Nope. I serve Tea hot.

Veronica: Wouldn't your letter get wet?

Ron: I know this...but I'm not going there we've got Tea to make

Veronica: Because It'd be too wet in the post..?

Ron: Yes. That's why they christen those baby kid things in the font?!

Veronica: Only if you used water for a tap

Ron: Besides a little drop of Tea won't hurt

Veronica: Wouldn't you need to brew the Tea first?

Ron: Brew Tea first. Second, add milk

Veronica: You never said anything about milk?

Ron: You never asked first anyway and milk would go off unless it's UHT

Veronica: That's sour! Are you sure about the shelf life?

Ron: There's no need to sulk while I'm doing the pouring. Anyway, who's it going to go off with? The sugar?

Veronica: Who said anything about sugar? I don't take sugar

Ron: But I like you sweet and you taste like cinnamon

Veronica: But why send me two letter T's in the post

Ron: Simmer down

Veronica: Ron it takes two to Tango

Ron: But there's no two T's in Tea? And only one T in Tango!

Veronica: But there's two T's in a letter?

Ron: Yes. Two T's to make a le-tt-er and I only sent you one over Tea

Veronica: I'm not thirsty now and how can you..throw one Tea?

Ron: I never threw a Tea!

Veronica: T fell out of the letter?

Ron: No. I never drop a T or my R's

Veronica: Well now I'm not very relaxed

Ron: I'll let you pick it up later. At least check out my Cannon?

Veronica: No. The moment has gone

Ron: But we could still take some pictures with the Canon?

Veronica: By the private poolside where no-ones looking?

Ron: Yep

Veronica: Okay then we can still do that. We could relax in the Jacuzzi...

Ron: Jacuzzi?! What's that some kind of Japanese mafia owned bar? Is it French with a silent J?

Veronica: No hun it's the latest craze it's a hot tub blowing bubbles

Ron: Oh okay I can disguise my blowing bubbles in the bath...

Veronica: Won't your lens steam up? We can clear the air later

Ron: The lens always steams up I'm going for a David Hamilton look. We'll hop in the Jacuzzi after

Veronica: Do you have your UV filter...?

Ron: Soon. You always look good in a steamy picture. And I do have a UV lens so there's no harm in soaking up the suns rays...

Veronica: Ok. I'm ready now. Is this pose fine as the 'Toilet of Venus' and no holding a mirror up to me

Ron: I won't, it's a painting

And so the world celebrates as Ron and Veronica water the Sunflower seeds...of love. 

Happy Valentines! 

Until Veronica passes the time with her favourite pastime.  
Well known benefits of reading the book 50 Shades of Grey. Mostly because it is real..(the book) a bit like vinyl you can hold them, feel them, touch them, spin them, place them in alphabetical order, get to use shelving again and enjoy the benefits of things being solid. Without getting all tied up on the internet.

18th Feb (part 10) 14th Feb (part 9) 12th Feb (part8) 8th Feb (part7) 6thFeb (part6 episode2), 4th Feb (part6), 28th Jan (part5), 24th Jan (part4), 22nd Jan (part3), 18th Jan (part2), 14th Jan (part1)