Monday, 30 March 2015

Britannia launches art : Amy Albright & Johnny Bull

Amy looking out to Stepper point
Stay classy Britannia
Launch of a brit ship (made in it has plenty of style) with plenty of brit art on board (therefore it's very cool) and launched by the Queen (giving it class) You'll eat well too...

        link to Amy Albright works :

a light swell by amy albright

aloft (exhibiting at my Poly May show)

Amy with red umbrella (exhibiting again this May)



Friday, 27 March 2015

Print Fair

                                          A selection of my Ltd Editions on sale

Showing my Mother & Daughter print..Cloud 9 (John Lennon) from and my first etching 'Summer son'

Sunday, 22 March 2015

State of Play - The Poly 18th - 25th May Falmouth

a few new artworks..vying to make the grade : State of Play
You tube clips up at david axtell (Studio 7)
nude, storm, cape, run & postcard paintings

The boy who bit Picasso (falmouth exhibition) : Isis, Mother, discus thrower, man/christ, boat & injury

the boy who bit Picasso (Oxford Playhouse show) - pat head tummy rub

Friday, 13 March 2015

Head to Head : Smith & Jones discuss NATIONS and such like

Head to Head : Smith & Jones discuss NATIONS and such like..A RED Nose Day Special

Mel: I'm thinking about going to New York for the day

Griff: To New York..on a day trip? Bit expensive mate

Mel: New York, The big apple, hotdogs, bagels, Sex and the City, The Empire State building, Mickey Mouse, yellow Taxi's..

Griff: And Liza Minnelli...

Mel:  On stage all singing, all dancing as Sally Bowles..back in the day. Great film Cabaret

Griff: Great woman

Mel: I've got my tickets already. Sienna Miller recently took over the role on Broadway

Griff: Lovely..dressed in white

Mel: Angel Delight. I love whipping that up...can't wait mate

Griff: We have all that mostly in Britain now.. except yellow Taxis.

Mel: You don't get in one of those New York Taxi's unless you are a Liberal. Goes without saying

Griff: My car is blue..but I vote Liberal?

Mel: What, what are you saying?

Griff: I'm going Green but I'm not sure about my insurance policy

Mel: You’re mad. Electric cars are just a fad..just ask Jeremy Clarkson

Griff: Your car is silver isn't it? Who do you vote for?

Mel: That's none of your business. I'll let you know in the post

Griff: We now have the Shard...

Mel: That is our modern day Empire State building.

Griff: It's one giant steeple chase..

Mel: Without King Kong of course

Griff: Didn't Prince Andrew abseil down the Shard?

Mel: What? Listen..In America..hailing a taxi is also a discreet political statement to the Chinese

Griff: Not when you hail a Taxi, it's not discreet. Phone up for one.

Mel: Discredit is good.

Griff: So do the Chinese still celebrate Chairman Mao's policies then?

Mel: Starvation. Not a great leap forward..

Griff: You could do with a bit of need to lose a bit of weight before you get on that plane

Mel: The Chinese you see are very thorough they chased the dragon out of every village

Griff: Dragon? They don't have Dragons? What are you are daft

Mel: Look it's one of the Star Signs..

Griff: Is it?

Mel: Yeah I'm's astrology isn't it. It was written in the stars. That's why business is booming it's the years of the Dragon. It's made good economic sense. They soon matched our economic output of the 1950's

Griff: Back then it was equivalent to the economic output of the Isle of Wight.

Mel: That's the City of London for you...

Griff: Without the smog

Mel: The smog is everywhere in those Chinese cities...

Griff: Good to know people enjoy London smog

Mel: That my friend, is one of our biggest exports

Griff: Along with Dickens

Mel: I'm not Mr Micawber. You know, my Nan makes great bagels

Griff: Is she Jewish?

Mel: No. Like I said, she likes bagels made with bacon and mozzarella cheese..dripping

Griff: What a dish

Mel: In her younger days maybe..she's mostly droopy now with plenty of dripping.

Griff: Like you.

Mel: The proof is in the pudding..

Griff: There's more beef in your pudding..have some custard

Mel: I can't finish on pudding I haven't started yet. Listen, about my day trip. I might turn it into a week

Griff: I hear it's an awfully big big place Mel..wear trainers and hire a Segway

Mel: I'm going to have a good look around The United Nations..

Griff: You'll need a round the world ticket..not many Nations are United though

Mel: 'Come on United' I've got the banner and everything mate

Griff: Even the T-shirt..?

Mel: Yep. Plutocracy forever bought to you by the Free world

Griff: Hold on how many are there?

Mel: Twenty last time I looked..

Griff: Er, what's all this plutocracy then?

Mel: That's when Pluto has taken over from Mickey Mouse

Griff: Isn't Pluto a dog?

Mel: Look around my friend...we are in the doghouse of power

Griff: What about Goofy? Isn't he a dog?

Mel: No. No. That's just a schmuck...who do you think is writing this ?

Griff: Is Donald Duck still a duck?

Mel: Same thing..look it doesn't matter. Do you believe Bank-E-Moon could be World President?

Griff: He is isn't he already?

Mel: The T-shirt is just a sweetener. I can't afford bribes like most of FIFA

Griff: Oh?

Mel: Politics is a delicate matter. Have you felt the need ?

Griff: To bribe? Nope can't say I have.

Mel: I've er, never had the need..until now

Griff: Oh why?

Mel: Well, it's just I've declared my land a state

Griff: I've seen your land and it is in a right state. Your garden is a mess

Mel: Yeah alright, alright the mower broke this summer okay. And we had a drought

Griff: Lazy usual

Mel: Yes..well not exactly. Now someone's invaded it

Griff: With what?

Mel: Faeces

Griff: You mean your neighbour let their dog on your lawn again ?

Mel: Yeah I'm livid

Griff: What's their dog called again?

Mel: Putin

Griff: Well that answers a lot of things. Mines called Berlusconi

Mel: Got a reputation your dog..

Griff: The muzzle is a precaution

Mel: This is very important. I'm claiming my back garden as a sovereign state and I've declared myself King

Griff: King Mel ?! King Mel ?! Ha, you're having me on. Nah..come off it..pull the other one. King Mel never ! You're pulling me leg.

Mel: No I'm not. I'm serious. I'm very serious. Straight up. I've written my own constitution and everything. Look I'll show you I've written it down on this piece of paper.

Griff: Like the Magna Carta?

Mel: I used my best calligraphy handwriting

Griff: Since when have you ever done Calligraphy? You're no have the hairline for it though

Mel: You my laugh my friend you may laugh. This is the dawning of a new age. A new frontier. Naturally you've got to take it from the birthplace of democracy. Everyone in my kingdom is a freeman, there are no taxes, beer is allowed and gambling, smoking too and I can arm myself with a water pistol but that's it

Griff:'re a bit like Greece then?

Mel: Yep

Griff: And you can defend your land..until there’s a drought?

Mel: Yep

Griff: Any women in there?

Mel: Well, I've not asked the missus yet. I don't want to rock the boat and you know to tell you the truth it's small enough for just me really

Griff: What's it called then..?

Mel: Me-land ?

Griff: Me-land Oh very good. Very funny

Mel: Can you see what I did there it's my land for me. Mel-and

Griff: Not very inspiring is it. Mel and who?

Mel: Mel and Sue if they let me... I'm not sure about doing Bake-off actually

Griff: Mary Berry should take a look where you hide the cakes. Have you got a flag ?

Mel: I had a rummage in the garage and pulled out an old bed throw. One of those lovely tartan ones, I like tartan

Griff: You're not Scottish...I've never seen you wear a kilt

Mel: Of course I'm not Scottish. Have you ever seen me toss a caber?

Griff: That's the only Scottish defence after Trident. So who's making your crown then?

Mel: Tracey Emin is designing one for me. I'm a renaissance man. I'm no specialist

Griff: Or a realist

Mel: We plough the seeds and scatter my friend. While the rest of the world plays catch up..

Griff:'ll still come last though. You're going to have to do some jogging

Mel: I have a rowing machine in the garage

Griff: Yeah but you're still not going anywhere

Mel: Well I don't need to. It's my land. I'm free to do whatever I choose.

Griff: Freedom of choice..

Mel: Exactly my point

Griff: You still need to get out of the garage more

Mel: I'm trying to be independent and not a dissident in my own territory. Put simply I like the idea of wearing a nice shiny crown and sitting on a throne. Away from all the worlds troubles

Griff: I normally like sitting on a throne...takes me ages to read the weekend supplements in the bathroom though most weekends. What do your other neighbours think..?

Mel: It's a troubled neighbourhood already because I have a Scot opposite arguing with the Irish family over nothing

Griff: Like football..

Mel: Celtic to be precise

Griff: Right

Mel: While the Spaniards two doors down are on a siesta bored watching the fight. But I gave a hosepipe to the local Kurd to stop the fight..

Griff: Was he living near the Spanish?

Mel: Does it's a long street. Yes of course he lives near

Griff: But you've merely pointed out that you gave him a hosepipe. How long is that?

Mel: Long enough to hand it to him. Do you mind this is my story. So the Kurd..has the hosepipe

Griff: That you've now given him

Mel: Yes. Yes. To give the Scot and Irishman a hose down, you know to stop the fight and the Polish guy..

Griff: Who lives somewhere else nearby on your very, very long street

Mel: ..cleaned up the mess.

Griff: That's quite some neighbourhood. Bit violent where you live.

Mel: I only stepped in when they all decided to invade my Polish neighbour’s garden. But I had to retreat

Griff: Where to? Dunkirk?

Mel: No. Not that far.. to the bedroom I hadn't quite finished with the Swedish au pair

Griff: Fair point..

Mel: It did kind of get out of hand and I called up my American friend

Griff: It's always good to have an American friend..maybe not in the bedroom though

Mel: Of course not, unless you happen to be Sharon Stone.

Griff: Did he sort the neighbourhood lot out

Mel: Down in the hood..with a baseball bat. No questions asked

Griff: Because you were making a mess of things as usual

Mel: Well it's tradition mate isn't it...we brits always like to call the yanks in for support. Take the first world war as an example started in 1914. The Americans rallied to our rescue in 1917. That was because Kitchener had rallied mostly 17 year old brit lads who had never held a gun before.

Griff: You wouldn't have been would have been in bed

Mel: While most of our proper regiment lads were on a jolly in India. Then in 1940 you know we had Churchill defending our shores

Griff: With Insurance. I love that dog..very funny. Love that don't you ? Always nodding oh yes! That's the catchphrase isn't it? Oh, yes..never tire of it

Mel: Well then the Americans arrived in 1942 so we could do D-Day.

Griff: Oh, Yes!

Mel: Of course it took 'em two years to plan like

Griff: Oh, Yes!

Mel: Can you stop now. While we were busy sorting out Mussolini. He tried to invade Greece

Griff: Now Greece is trying to re-invade Europe.

Mel: Oh, Yes. The modern world my friend is all about Inter-continentalism

Griff: Isms are full of inconsistencies

Talkback and forth

Mel: Exactly here's the thing...

Griff: But we can't find the thing ?

Mel: Puzzling. The world is all the 21st century it's all blurry.

Griff: Can't see for looking. I can see short distances not so good on long distance

Mel: Get this for the modern age. We kind of caved in to a few militants in Iraq and gave them jobs in the police force then the Americans had to sort out our mess we had created in Basra

Griff: Who knew

Mel: Millions. Either way Rumsfeld never really wanted us there in the first place. And then the Americans reinforced our position in Helmand when we were a bit thin on the ground

Griff: Because ?

Mel: We forgot to connect up the Dam pipeline. Water my friend is the new oil..I'm hedging my bets with Ambient Water                                 (

Griff: Spread betting?

Mel: No, I'm for the Binary option. I'm going all or nothing. Humidity is a positive thing nowadays

Griff: When it's hot and humid I get the barbeque set out I feel a bit Australian-ish

Mel: You can't just feel it you've got to be the whole ish

Griff: Like Ishtar?

Mel: No that was a flop

Griff: I'm feeling a bit peckish

Mel: In Peckham?

Griff: Fondue ?

Mel: No, that's only at weekends

Griff: So you were saying about the flag

Mel: I rigged it up on the seemingly now redundant TV aerial and you can see it on google maps. So it's easy to spot.

Griff: Easy to target too

Mel: Neighbourhood watch has gone ultra-modern I can now watch you..

Griff: You can't I draw the curtains..and I live 5 miles away

Mel: Look, I'm just proving a point. In my street we use night vision it's the latest thing..

Griff: You can get locked up for that you know

Mel: I'm discreet I upload it all on my iCloud account so it's perfectly safe. Along with my bank details. I've now applied for European union recognition and my human rights

Griff: Human rights..what's that then ?

Mel: The basic human right to clean water, fresh undies, and free beer

Griff: No ?

Mel: Yep. Straight up

Griff: Including freedom?

Mel: And Free domination. I'm going for the local dominatrix..she likes leather but I'm strictly vegetarian..

Griff: You could of fooled're no vegetarian

Mel: I am with my Dom. I have a carrot dangled in front of me and she's opted to wear PVC

Griff: Or hemp..there's a lot of Hemp around nowadays.

Mel: It's recyclable PVC. I am now part of the new landed gentry...

Griff: I bet she looks like that girl off X-men..Emma Frost or Mystique ?

Mel: More like Jupiter Ascending actually. Mila a Space babe. Mila has dominated my TV viewing habits ever since 'That 70's show'

Griff: What's the 70's show called then?

Mel: That '70s show..that's it. Don't you watch TV? That's the name of the show

Griff: Oh..I only watch the BBC

Mel: Have you been busy of late?

Griff: I may start my own country too except I want to be a dictator

Mel: What? You a dictator? How come ?

Griff: This is between you and me. My kids have become right terrors. They have knee jerk reactions to most things said on twitter so I've had to limit their computer usage

Mel: Understandable..firm but fair parenting. Totally agree

Griff: It doesn't help when I want to watch BBC catch up. And now the kids won't talk to me unless it's through a new iphone..

Mel: Which are expensive in this age of austerity you can't be having that kind of behaviour. 

Griff: And now they are threatening to sue me for negligence unless I buy them an apple iwatch

Mel: What is the world coming to ? No wonder terrorism is rife, the young are technologically gullible..

Griff: And will believe in anything..I'm desperate

Mel: Like Mickey Mouse and Desperate Dan

Griff: And adverts before every film

Mel: I still believe in the Sugar Puff Monster every morning..

Griff: And the Yeti

Mel: They think they can get away with

Griff: Monsters

Mel: Monsters

Griff: Little terrors

Mel: At least you don't have to tag them most cheap mobile devices have GPS in

Griff: Little do they know I micro-chipped them. I put it in their soup

Mel: How did that go?

Griff: Well they do keep getting down into the sewers.

Mel: Try a curfew

Griff: I've already kept the missus in a darkened room

Mel: Bit harsh on your woman. Is it for her own safety?

Griff: No for my own sanity. And I'm saving electricity

Mel: You mean she was disturbing your concentration while you play Grand Theft Auto Five on X box One

Griff: I don't like being interrupted.

Mel: Pretty hard to get a European grant for a dictatorship

Griff: Look at Putin he made himself a dictator and he's in Europe...

Mel: And UKIP can get a million and a half for suddenly turning into a dogmatic democratic party. That's the EU for you...

Griff: Are we the old or young bit of Europe?

Mel: This country is a dangerous land now my friend..this country is getting older. Everyone's going to become more conservative by the day. No wonder we need a steady influx of new young blood from Europe. Putin rides horses. Do you ride horses?

Griff: No but I like to shop in Iceland for burgers

Mel: And he likes sanctions...are you sure you want sanctions?

Griff: I don't mind sanctions

Mel: Who sanctioned this? DO you have any ground based reserves ?

Griff: Like the plutonium I've got in my shed

Mel: No that's lethal how about something you can make a bargain with. Bartering you know. Like Bargain hunt but with experts. Do you know any Geologists?

Griff: Yeah I had one of those around and he took a long time looking at my wife

Mel: In that darkened room?

Griff: Come to think of it I haven't heard from her for a few days

Mel: You did ask for a geologist didn't you and not a gynaecologist

Griff: Well he said he was practising

Mel: I bet he was..I think your wife has left you.

Griff: Fracking hell !

Mel: Pardon ?

Griff: My wife has left me. And you knew before I did.

Mel: You are better off without her. Just think Dictators can't be having a nuisance wife in the background. You can have a harem now and you can frack away to your hearts content these days, without having to share the proceeds.

Griff: Then that's what I'm going to do. I'll put up a sign in the local newsagents

Mel: You'll be well happy..look at me I now invest in water. And look what it did to Texas

Griff: It really is a dry land now

Mel: You can't spit for someone putting a price on it..and when it rains everyone comes out of their houses and they sell it by the bucket loads. Your water supply will be a bit fizzy, so the kids will be pleased

Griff: I'll drink to that I like fizz. Can I pop round soon ?

Mel: Remember I'm well-armed with a water pistol. Even though it's's still a Greenzone at the moment

Griff: You mean a Greenbelt

Mel: You can build on those too..I may invest. Are you planning to invade? Don't just turn up uninvited I'd need to tell the neighbours first..and make sure you don't smuggle in any contra band

Griff: I keep that down the back of the sofa

Mel: With the remote control?

Griff: Safest place..until I need to get the sofa bed out and then I'm having a whale of a time.

Mel: Smugglers have to enjoy their own gear. I fully respect that

Griff: Any Taxes due?

Mel: Not really mate..I don't need to pay tax as my kingdom has a land tax loop hole. I may form ties with my American pal...I'll open my doors up to my cousins you know.

Griff: Are you signing up to free trade?

Mel: You mean TTIP (The Transatlantic Trade & Investment Partnership) for the masses..of unemployable

Griff: And what about the vote then?

Mel: I'm disenfranchised...because I pay no tax. So I'm not worth a vote. I still pay VAT though. I'd like to govern myself. I can be autocratic without the fear of revolution from the masses. Feudalism to me sounds like a basis of sound government..

Griff: While Oligarchs are all the rage these days

Mel: Have you been siphoning off people's petrol tanks again at night?

Griff: No, no I’ve given that up. The price of oil is low...there's no profit in it

Mel: Authority is fashionable but fickle..this time next year I could declare myself president of my street. I may expand. Power. That's the thing you see mate. I've given myself a little power..

Griff: And it’s all gone to your head.

Mel: Once everyone's signed up to having international corporations who can override national laws, regulations and workers’ rights I'll be the only one devoid of this madness.

Griff: You're a rebel

Mel: With a just cause my friend. Mine own

kind a lingers

Friday, 6 March 2015

Harrison Ford crash landing

 I think she'll hold together...
                                 Alert and attentive with the medics which is good news. 
                                 Another get well soon message to Mr Ford x
I was in Oxford when Harrison was last injured in the summer and recovering from a broken ankle in the JR Hospital. Apparently he'd had dinner the previous day with Ridley Scott to do Blade Runner 2. Before those old Millennium Falcon blast doors closed down too quickly.
    Indy can fly now right?! And Mr Ford is more than capable of doing his own stunts. Maybe against a green screen next time and not actually on the green? But then Harrison Ford does actually prefer 'real' stunts. Lets keep Han Solo in the next two Star Wars films too, you know...

 ...somehow I think he was lucky with the available 'greenery' to land at Penmar in LA. Otherwise it's a Waco UBF-2 Seaplane to place on order. Lets not have any more Edwin Musick engine failures.

Thursday, 5 March 2015

World Book Day : The Ice Bear's Cave by Mark Haddon

Twelve ways to buy...the same book

The North melting? 
one - order in a local book shop. I don't know where you happen to live if you view this but I'm sure you will have a local bookshop to order it from. If not set up your own book shop, or form a protest league informing those in the know that a bricks and mortar book shop can be a good thing. Here is an example...technically a publisher too. (Blackwell's bookshop - Oxford)

You can live in our dad never turns on the central heating

two - order it online via Amazon. Not through Yellowstone or Treadstone. One is still a National Park while the other is a now debunked CIA operative secret unit thing. But I got real confused when someone mentioned Blackbriar and don't start on Silverlake. These are not warehouses full of stuff...unless you count the scene at the end of Raiders. But then wouldn't the Reds have gone for the Ark instead of some Crystal Skull?

My Dad has a man cave. He uses it to hide from mom
three - order it on itunes. Does that mean I can now give back the album by U2 or is my 2 weeks up?

there was lot of singing in Frozen wasn't there

four - order a book thru Harpercollins? That's right a book. On paper. Granted it may not last a lifetime but you know it has sense benefits ie you can touch it, feel it, bend it (like a new iphone) rip it but you can still mend that with sellotape, let your kid use it without thinking they will bust an expensive bit of kit, or get an author to sign it. I won't though cos my handwritings poor. I just type.

Do you know Paddington Bear..?
five - order it through WH Smith. This is not a Will Smith's business. It's an upmarket Woolworths but with a magazine stand. Unfortunately they make you pay for your own goods now and the queue system is awful that's why I order online. I hate standing in a straight line. I prefer standing in a circle.

I saw a programme once where a man filmed polar bears in a reinforced cage.   We don't have one of those. Do you like zoos?

six - order it through Waterstones. I like Waterstones they are like a bigger and better Ottakers but with a coffee shop. Online though they don't really advertise this book well do they. (4/10 for effort) Hey ho - walk into a store and order a copy.

Have you tried moving to Antarctica?   
seven - order it via a Kindle. I don't own a Kindle or an ipad. Or an iphone. Or a coffee maker. I'm not sure why I need to tell you but I just thought you's like to know I'm doing okay without technology thanks. Apart from the local library computer which you know got given by Bill Gates so cheers for that. Only kidding I've got a Samsung and a coffee maker - it's called a kettle and I put ground coffee in it.

You know i wish I'd sat on a plastic bag my trousers are stuck

eight - order it via a goodread? Might be hard to do at the moment but they give you a few other possibilities like I am doing here for your book buying benefit.

Do you know Katow- jo?

nine - order it through Blackwell's just in case you hadn't noticed the shop in number one

 Have you tried the trick of cutting a block of ice in half with just a thin piece of metal rope and weights ? It takes a while..
ten - order it through the Amazon USA ! I know amazing. I didn't realise Amazon was in America too I thought it was only in the UK and Brazil. In the UK it's near Cardiff.

David Blaine was trapped in ice once. Do you think he should of worn a coat?

eleven - order it through Australian Harpercollins..I love world travel. I order stuff from India and China too because I like to think I'm well travelled without having to fly.

 The Northern lights is a book too.. 

twelve - Google play..with a minecraft squiggle square thing

Further images from the book can still be found on With thanks and cheers if you have bought the picture book...

Sunday, 1 March 2015

Nemtsov & Pussyriot's son(s) & daughter(s)

Periodical son

when the days disappear in the distance
new avenues open up
I talk to the walls
I climb on all fours
Abseiling down life
In a world where they make you feel small
Bound by gravity I still walk tall

the bank teller
the story teller
has a price to sell
a tale of life
inherent vice
for a new generation
the fool who knew too much
was willing to give it all away
revealing yesterdays Washington's Post   
caught up in the rat race
newspapers shed their tears and the looking glass reflects the children's fears
In the parks kept in the dark schools read hieroglyphics no one can decipher
a steep learning curve no-one should give in to

We shatter the walls
We scatter the laws
What does it matter when we become ghosts
We talk in our sleep
We sink in the deep
What will it matter when we all steal a dream 

when the days disappear in the distance
new worlds open up
I talk to the walls
I climb on all fours
Abseiling through life

I will wake up  
On the avenues of fate
I will wake up
I will wake up
I will never hate
I will wake up
I will wake up
On the avenues of fate
I will wake up