Thursday, 30 June 2016

Don't count your chickens before they hatch



DAYDREAMING : READ THIS AND WONDER how we got thus far...and in Cornwall

800,000 potential voters...couldn't register on their household iphones. Democracy at work.

There was a man from Kettering
Who spelt his name in bad lettering
He looked to the sky
formed an opinionated lie
and now he's formed a new ministry




BURN THE WITCH : WATCH THIS IF YOU ENJOY BRITISH SATIRE (Trumpland)

700,000 expats not allowed to vote. (Ironically you lose your vote if you leave Britain...democracy at work)

Don't panic Mr Mannering! 
Callous humour would have been the same if we'd remained : Laughing in the aisle by John Oliver
'Allo! 'Allo! govt now about to repeal the 1972 treaty of Accession - next Denmark and Italy. I bet just as were about to finish negotiating our way through the EU in seven years time the EU won't actually exist in it's current format...it'll reform to survive without us. At least we have the 2017 Presidency of the EU Council to look forward to. (July-December...maybe Estonia will have a go)

Stop press : A Nation with courage stays loyal to it's friends in times of trouble
Conservatives will disregard the Scottish votes...? Their mandate comes from the rest of the UK and not from the SNP. Take the Scottish remain votes from the total 16,141,241 - 1,661,191 = 14,480,050 and the same for Leave 17,410,742 - 1,018,332 = 16,393,410. That's a leave vote at nearly 2million or 6% majority. More or less the same percentage of Labour MP's who want Jeremy Corbyn as their leader.

Forwards : United Europe vote for unity, vote for community not disunity
Strategically important country with high levels of world influence and a fragile emerging post recession economy...rallies together in solidarity and joins Europe. (1973)
Backwards
Strategically important country with high levels of world influence and a fragile emerging post recession economy....rips itself apart and exits Europe. (2016)

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Donald Tusk

TUSK : Just say you want me...to be your friend
Meeting today of the EUCO on Brexit and Common EU27 future...



Why don't you ask him if he's going to stay?
Why don't you ask him if he's going away?
Why don't you tell me what's going on?
Why don't you tell me who's on the phone?
Why don't you ask him what's going on?
Why don't you ask him who's the latest on his throne?
Don't say that you love me!
Just tell me that you want me!
TUSK!
Just say you want me
Just tell me that you
TUSK!
TUSK!
TUSK!

THE BRITISH REVOLT : The protest vote...
You know in Australia they have referendums on daylight saving times or vote on how long a Parliamentary term should last...some European countries even have votes on specific issues on EU treaties. Our referendum was a bit different. We have one on Europe every 40 years. Thankfully no-one had to make an easy black or white decision. It was mostly ambivalence mixed with resentment.

weownit.org.uk
CONTROL? You asked for control and that is what were going to get when a new right wing Tory govt forms. Voted inadvertently in by the protest leave vote (not by the working classes cos their conviction is with labour) No irony in that statement. Now who's playing hardball when we've still got years of austerity and the continued saga of selling off public assets? Stripping out the core out of our future and selling The Land Registry, National Air Traffic Services, Ordnance Survey and Local Councils to sell off council houses..social housing bulldozed away to the private sector. And to think we held a referendum on this cos it was the EU's fault that were making us do it!?

Back peddling predilection.
Russia buys Ordnance Survey so that it knows where the best places are to park their tanks.

By the popular vote : BHS makes a comeback
When the lunatics have taken over the asylum = care in the community

Rogue Nation : Britain's Transition...
It's a Roll over. This Wednesdays THUNDERBALL & you just won a remake of Never Say Never Again!

DEMOCRACY INACTION literally...what a lacklustre performance 
Not to be confused with irony. George Osborne (sold) cashed in his shares when the markets were high and he made £1.6trillion when world markets fell. Thus paying off our national debt over the weekend.

Bank on it : Low and behold
£250billion War Chest is used to bail out the deficit of £75 billion. Thus ending public sector debt. Books are balanced and the NHS receives a £10billion bonus voucher.

Article 49 : the loophole to re-apply. Wonder which EU leader would close that..I don't know what it means for Denmark, the Netherlands, Sweden or France.
Now that Labour is flogging itself like a dead horse or a dead duck that's still being fed bread (which is bad for ducks by the way) The Conservatives will split into two camps - those that want to be seen to be pro European convincing the sceptics and those wanting to be British and economical with the truth. Nay. quack quack!

Things to look forward to...in Kernow 
Cornish roads now will not be built to a standardized EU directive width. Hedges will not be cut to EU regulated height. #that's it for the farmers

There's only one thing to look forward to in 2019...it's not headline news leaving the EU.
It's INDIANA JONES V

The real reason people got scared of the EU : The EU symbol on GB car number plates
This was scary as it allowed you to travel freely throughout the EU
It reminded UK people that they were European citizens
It didn't have red or white in it
It reminded BMW owners that they lacked true status
It reminded Skoda, VW, Audi and SEAT owners that they would NOT get compensation like the Americans for the dieselgate disaster - that was 1.2million leave votes right there.

PLOUGH YOUR OWN FURROW : Shipshape
When we get ready to set sail...which course of action do we take?
i we continue to pay harbour fees
ii we set sail for new horizons and get seasick
iii we set sail and get homesick
iv we set sail and someone forgets the compass
v we set sail into the doldrums
vi we set sail and drop anchor in booby's bay because it sounds funny and we needed a holiday

The snap election : Wow I love democracy. I keep having to vote. I thought it was once every five years.
Bets on that the new mandate from a new PM becomes a half way house for the general public. A second referendum is called. The new 'coalition' government of the willing receive a vote of confidence. No-one will have a majority (much like this Conservative now) But we still get the govt we deserve. Blah blah blah

Less we forget crossrail.co.uk it's going to look amazing in 2018 and will be used as a prime example of British engineering prowess by the new PM. (He or she takes credit)
Never in a million years...
10/1 Nicola Sturgeon derails Brexit...don't you just love the Scots
It's also called the luck of the Irish
Lets just not bother invoking Article 50 it's a bio hazard. Ignore it.
We simply re-apply through Article 49.
There's a new treaty banning Article 49.
We get pummelled like Greece did or...
We buy Greece as part of the deal. It ends up in the British Museum
We woke up and then we rewrote the rule book.
They don't call us the mother of all democracy for nothing. What a bitch
The Conservatives always want to win on the economy. True or false?
The UK reforms itself away from the corporate monolithic behemoth
The UK becomes a corporate monolithic behemoth
We win the sympathy vote.
There isn't a mass exodus of countries from the Union..I mean the UK (two hold a Brexit veto)
London becomes newly Independent
Renting in London becomes cheap
Hipster Beards become unfashionable.
The Govt creates a new Tenancy bill based on the French system. You get the best tenancy protection laws in the world.
Banks collapse in Italy and Spain...we loan them £25billion each from the war chest. We become best mates & part own each country.
European holidaymakers will go on a foreign holiday to Britain & enjoy our sense of humour at last.
Politicians apologize for making decisions and predictions on a trampoline...
when there was no safety net.

Which way now? 
TV saves the day. There's a new series of the Trip taking place in Spain.


“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend” 
― Albert Camus


Saturday, 25 June 2016

Brexit

The real reason Remain won pundits : From two pragmatic British EU citizens...




Bitesize Brexit : Never believe the hype WTF ?! Thank god the Referendum is non binding
"Where there is harmony, let us bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, let us bring doubt. Where there is hope, let us bring despair" Whoops.

Under new management : pdf now downloadable for all the brit boys and girls  cer.org.uk
The Seven alternatives...to EU membership. Take your pick Boris. Woe betide your new mandate. You is out laddie and Europe is looking to it's future not ours?! Unbelievable. You still have EU migration (free movement of people) as part of any trade deal & you still have to pay into an EU budget and abide by EU rules/laws. And you'll have no say in the matter ?!!! Misinformed, misled & missed opportunities. Someone should be held to account for this...

Airfix : buy buy. All euro finance centers do not move from London to the Continent true or false?
We are now re-building Spitfires but like the Red Arrows no one is allowed to fly on health and safety grounds.

CFP (Common fisheries policy) or WTO. Can a fish out of water negotiate better ?
We didn't bother listening to the experts but we'll soon be paying high commissions to experts telling us what the best non-negotiable negotiations to trade will be like.

Back in control with a tiny 4% margin of a majority...and taxes will not go up
VAT will go now to zero on all electric and gas bills. It can now go lower than the 15% the EU zone were going to re-negotiate on. Wow all our senior citizens winter fuel payments will be sooooo low this coming winter and is uncertainty good for pensions?

We have drawn a line in the sand - only the tide keeps coming in and washing it away. I blame King Canute
Goodbye Scotland...Northern Ireland...Gibraltar...sod it lets sell off the Falklands too. Something the new Prime Minister can look forward to. What a legacy. Not the United Kingdom. Where's the greatness in that?

Diffendoofer day!
1,000,000 immigrants will arrive back in England. Yep you guessed it - British nationals who moved to Spain. You is no different.

Strange little Island of mixed up people
FCUK UP : Only us Brits can vote in Tory's that first wrecked our manufacturing base and let down the working classes, with a Labour Europhile PM that took us into illegal wars and an arrogant Tory Prime Minister gambling on breaking up unions just to appease his party. Well done...us. We've divided ourselves and the world in one fell swoop. Back to the Future with this one.

Centre for learning : And I've even been to the Bullingdon club..I mean bar. thebullingdon.co.uk
The Erasmus programme is null and void?! Less you know the better. That's because we just screwed the future education of our youth..?! You now can't live and work anywhere in the EU and get NHS paid treatment across borders or even retire in Spain with full benefits.

Ageist : over 65's were more likely to vote leave true or false?
If you were under 45 and voted in because you thought about the future...in 20 years you probably will not want to sell your parents cheap housing to pay for their expensive care. You'll be the ones paying for this OUT debacle. Bank it. Give them an OD. It's gonna be payback time. I'm going on a cruise.

When all people have lived with too much deceit - the working protest vote will endeth the future of representative democracy and kick out the jams
Fiscal studies : The facts that were hidden cos I wasn't reading the smallprint
Do you think George Osborne's £9billion pound a month borrowing spree stops...instantly. He now uses £350million a week to pay for our deficit. Sod the NHS...it'll go back into an EU budget as part of our use of the single market so said the leavers. Oddly ironic.

We don't want to understand what immigration and free movement is. 
Free movement of a Labour force ends. That is what the Brexit peeps wanted isn't it? And forget all those 'benefit' reforms Cameron fought to get earlier in the year. You think the EU will endorse those on their Labour force?

Political narcissism : Yep the proportional representation of countries under the Lisbon treaty were never quite progressive enough for Cameron. 
Trump in Scotland : In a country who voted to stay in the EU ? Scotland has a right to a second independence referendum

Cornwall & the new spaceport (not subsidised by the EU)
Net beneficiary to EU subsidies votes out. Dairy farmers go to the wall. The conservatives loathe farm subsidies. Still at least I can chuck a line out and catch haddock now. We have experts on hand to tell us where the fish swim. And I only buy arctic white fish anyway.

Cloud cuckoo land : The Gold Standard
Austerity stops now. Way before Article 50 is invoked because the Leavers need weeks, months, no years of re-negotiations of regulations. Adding to more bureaucracy ?

The EUMAN cost : Federalism or bust. Well now were out Germany can push for it.
It was like Germany v England (well a divided British nation) We may have lost on penalties or was it an own goal? Anyway, we want a replay, with new rules! We will now get the help of the USA to be the new oversee chairman. To win people over to TTIP and they've now got us by the balls. Without any EU regulatory safeguards.

Turkey : Storm in an earl grey tea cup...
www.cer.org.uk/insights/storm-turkish-tea-cup 

No fees no commission 
Fanciful. We can now create our own trading zone and include other euro sceptic countries. A new Europe under British leadership?! It's Tony Benn's idea that Labour hasn't used yet. We'll be arrogant to think it'll all unfold and topple like dominoes...cos Junker is real PO at the moment. Boris will have to work his charm with his tail between his legs, whilst Putin can't stop laughing.

The National pysche : orange is the new black - it's exactly like the Hueys 
Brexit biscuits wearing their black thursday jumpers. Because we like to think we are superior to most people and we like to tell other people what to do. (A bit like the EU) We will now have a referendum on getting rid of an undemocratic and unelected House of Lords?! haha lol

Zippy or Bungle? Shame and shambles all rolled into one...day.
We all knew Boris was a Europhile really. That's why he looked so glum..I mean happy at the press conference?! Good luck invoking - delaying Article 50. Next in line to fall on his Toledo sword. No need for businesses to plummet into a self inflicted double dip recession. But lets not talk the economy down...we wouldn't want to do anything reckless. Unlike the political parties.

Marriage..has to be said like Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean
Darn couldn't we have just got a Marriage Guidance Councilor in and sort out this notion before we jumped ship? Lets hope the divorce is amicable and conciliatory for all our sakes. But you know who gets custody the kids? I want the power tools and the vinyl player. We are split down the middle - who wants what who shares whom? Do we want a new relationship..? Someone has to make that change. And have lots of kids that are up for equality, peace, justice, the common good and are able to love mankind.

The FOUR FREEDOMS of the EU...hello goodbye hello to the same thing !?
THE FREE MOVEMENT OF GOODS
THE FREE MOVEMENT OF SERVICES
THE FREE MOVEMENT OF CITIZENS
THE FREE MOVEMENT OF CAPITAL


Monday, 20 June 2016

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Falmouth Art Gallery

A few pics from the ongoing 'Imagine Falmouth' exhibition includes my St. Mawes boats painting. The next door gallery rooms are dedicated to Wreck & Ruin (On show also prints of Hogarth's The Rake's Progress)

no.38



Biodegradable hair socks to soak up oil slicks

lifeguard
         
Salmon farmer : shotgun shells (used to protect stocks from seals)

Grayson Perry : The vanity of small differences
                                     

Monday, 13 June 2016

EU Referendum

None of this is true : Nihilism's net worth is a Nobel peace prize
Conceded points taken on who to trust - by Joe Friday

1 Just the facts Ma'am...who is being the more responsible or irresponsible?
What's happened? Where did the factual content go? In fact where'd Labour go?
2 Britain and Remain = ? If Remain wins they persuaded people with the positives of staying promoting progress and reform in the EU. Cameron can be trusted on what he says. Business's thrive inside European regulations. The Euro & Euro army will never happen. No-one trusted the Tory Brexit campaign camp as it has all the dodgy right wing conservatives in it. And they are toxic.
Brain or Bremain ? (They don't seem to use this terminology)
3 Panic : If you're not in, you won't have a say so; so the saying goes. 
If we vote out we can apply to be in again at a later date anyway...so why create uncertainty at a time of a global financial crisis.
4 The Firth of Forth. Ireland - building bridges not demolishing them. 
All 47 countries on the European council will eventually all join up and then exit again and
again (this goes on for at least 150 years cos there's always a new generation who get more pessimistic as they get older...and none the miser)
5 Trump Towers v Dyson air blades...blown dry
Big business opt in small businesses opt out (includes fishermen) Thankfully the UK has pulled it's weight in support of fishermen since we have a big, and I mean big voice in protecting our voice in Europe. It's worth a Tennor.
6 Pithy Sovereignty over ruled by the US anyway in the EU
TTIP is null and void after Brexit..or is it?! Who knows? Were not sure cos Obama said we are at the back of the queue for trade. Brill. I don't want a General Motors car. I want to invest in McDonald's real estate instead !!
7 If it's a Brexit win...they had argued the EU is not to be trusted and they persuaded voters Britain would gain more control leaving. Rather than the Conservatives can't be trusted and the EU is out of control and there's no way to reform it the way Britain would like. 
Greece will leave the eurozone soon after a brexit and France under Le Pen will have a referendum to vote ...at least we can blame someone else instead of ourselves for the break up of the Union. (And we all know the Conservatives hate unions by the way) But we'll still be in the single market & follow EU rules trading on the immigration/job numbers. A bit like Norway then. (Where it's freezing, why bother to move there anyway?)
8 Well stuffed. What 'appened when the whole of Canary Wharf moved to Reigate? 
Turkey is only allowed into Europe if America parachutes in 60,000 US soldiers to stop UK Politicians spending £7 billion on re-decorating Parliament. (if Politicians stay on the premises). Only £3 billions if they leave Parliament...and/or the EU. Geographically and historically this is incorrect but you know, that's half the trouble.
9 The Visit (It's scary. A man who likes to gamble, ramble & amble on. Arriving 24th June) What the hell, he has a stunning wife? Lucky bastard. 
Trump allows Mexico to move to Europe so that we can have Mexican food stores up North. It's always Chilli there. Plus Hadrian's wall needs rebuilding.
10 Euros = £10. And red diesel Farmers will now pay road tax.
Everyone in the world gets freedom of movement...luckily everyone moves to Australia. (And remember Points mean prizes)
11 If Brexit biscuits win....Richard Branson will find us all asleep as sheep wearing the same jumper
Scotland will want to stay in the euro zone and will want to opt out of the UK again. We will then have no oil. Think about it. Unfortunately Haggis will get banned under EU regulations. If England Remains, within a year Fish and Chips will get banned.
12 pound an hour to count Britain's Brillion's of tattoo's. Most men can now literally read women like a book. Obviously this can work from the female point of view - but women have been able to read men like a book for centuries.
£350millions or £120millions a week goes into joining the eurozone? (Not £36.50 like a  magazine subscription or to join Labour for £3) Or whichever economic guru we are supposed to believe. Why don't we just get rid of the NHS and save £120billion a year!? In ten years we'd either all be dead from poor health (which assumes we already have a bad diet) or a nation of alcoholics...(Vodka & jagerbombs are endemic) but at least we saved 1.2 trillion and helped to pay off the 1.5 trillion debt?! Or instead...all wages of footballers and TV European coverage rights goes to help pay for BHS. (And one yacht - that is one pension pot for Philip Green kept afloat!) I've got £1 saved so far. Arcadia here we come.
13 Keep Calm & KBO! 
That's basically what Russia and NATO keep doing.
14 Bang the Bang or Ban Dogs ? £55billion a year defence budget is scrapped to pay for half the NHS doctors and nurses who come from overseas.. it's also a token gesture allowing another five years of austerity cuts.
Dogs are only allowed to bark four times a year - hurray! At Christmas New Year and some firework festivities in November. We won't hear them cos of the fireworks...this has nothing to do with Europe by the way. Some people are just Barking mad.
15 Point 14. (1491 to be exact) A 600 year tale of a man who had many wives and liked chopping off heads. What would he do? Thankfully we are now divorced from the history of Henry VIII's beard
It's another reason why Wars won't work here. If it's too noisy for Dogs it gets banned. I'm not sure how this would work in Korea? Anyway all Dogs should become vegetarian and consumers will save on farming cattle who are fed to fed up fat Labradors that are subsidised by French farmers..I think.
16 Farage? 
How come an un-elected and soon to be former MEP tells everyone Brussels is an un-elected Chamber of Commerce? It does quite well in Strasbourg though. And you get to see more of Europe from a hotel room. Politicians always look to get the sympathy vote whilst they are on the payroll of lobbyists. But you know ideas don't come cheap. Lets scrap the sovereignty of the House of Lords and Parliament in the party whips lobby.
17 If we Remain flights to Europe will triple, Heathrow builds a seventh runway and Leonardo DiCaprio will stop 5,000 daily flights in the USA over environmental concerns
Nationalism will be banned. This means all European Countries football teams will be banned. There will only be one player from each country allowed to play...ok so there's enough for two teams and substitutes too. All adds to a smaller cost to UEFA. They only need one stadium to play in. Plus it saves on coach & flight costs, makes economic sense. (Both teams are managed by Germany and France though)
18 votes by 18 year olds keeps a £45 billion drinks industry afloat..who'd risk it?
Germany has never told Greece what to do and has never been very good at organising a European Super state. (Where there are no homeless people)
19 banned types of Bananas : And not wonky carrots lovefoodhatewaste.com
Britain has never liked Europe that's why we never signed the Rome treaty...but we joined the single market, the European council, signed the Maastricht treaty and the Lisbon treaty?! And other stuff we were never explained at school. (Some of it well before the internet...and I still don't know what it all means as I can't be bothered to read about it)
20 Welsh language leaflets costing £200 million. I think Wales now needs to leave.
We all learnt Latvian at school instead of French, Spanish and German. The teachers never missed a future opportunity and taught us to buy into Greek holiday timeshares. Thankfully each class clubbed together and bought into Portuguese property because we soon learnt British mortgages were a con based on profit only, shackled liked slaves for the next 40 years and we'd never be able to afford £27,000 worth of ever increasing college loans. Unfortunately I ditched all three languages, including History, went to Harvard and moved to Estonia. I really hope no-one calls me stupid or ignorant. (And I still don't know where Lisbon is)
21 European Status or...Jean Claude Juncker's notion of a Euro army?
For starters I always eat Spanish Olives, I drive a BMW car, eat croissants, drink Italian coffee, enjoy French & Australian wine and love Ksenia Solo. I also live in a mansion owned by a Chinese Billionaire and support Thai owned King Power football team. All without learning the lingo.
22 Quid Pro Quo ? Conservative Govt = leaving the EU...it's what they've been dreaming of
This vote has nothing to do with the fact the Conservatives have always wanted a European Referendum ever since the Europe question pulled their party apart 25 years ago. At least that's not happening right now; now that were pulling ourselves apart having an exciting quality decent debate destabilising Europe.
23 Who said politics was boring? 
One that doesn't push through the 'Snoopers Charter' and the first of many fracking go aheads...whilst were all distracted by Boris Johnson speaking fluent French.
24 I don't want to vote in a Europhile who would become the next PM. That's right..it's Tony Blair
I made up my mind after reading 15 pages of Wetherspoons news special on the EU Ref. Ten pages were devoted to Leave so I just read the first 7.5 pages. Which halved the problem of staying.
25 England v Russia...in the end a one all draw. It was fireworks & all was well behaved in the stadium & on the streets of Marseille. Sums it all up.
Before Russia hosts the World Cup, the EU will soften the sanction blow after owning up to creating the annexation of Crimea. Democracy in action. They had a referendum. 95% positively Russian. Which is good news for the Tartars. Does this mean Crimea will now join Europe with Russia too and apply for EU grants so that Russian and Ukranian soldiers get a decent meal a day?
26 I'm now off to SPIEF  to the Neva embankments : Nah-zdroh-vee-eh !
And as for trying to ban cadmium and lead white for artists oils....the less said the better