Ed Harken slash Ed Hocken a'la Harken after Hacker time after you've drunk Red Rock Cider – 'It's not red and there's no rocks in it' and the world of shadows becomes clear...so step out of the light!
Champ: Hey Ron do you know what comes after X?
Veronica: Eleven..it's eleven XI! E.l.e.v.e.n Do I have to spell it out for you?
Ron: You just did
Fantana:Legs Eleven..those girls were hot on Top of the Pops
Champ: Wrong Mr Semi-Tough. They were Legs & co - I've just seen the youtube clips.
Back in the Age of less reason than now no less...
Ed Harken: Listen up team, I need you
to focus. I'm taking a gamble with 50% revenue slashed off our
advertising exposure, there's no Liberty Ships in divergence on the
horizon and our sponsors require us to merge in turn.
Ron: Was that in Spanish? You know I
don't speak Spanish
Champ: What the hell is Liberty Ships
Fantana: I think it's an ugly duckling
of speech convergence
Brick: I think it's a good line. I love...lines on TV. I'm still made out of pixels. I'm a pixel Brick
Champ: Do you know what the say about blubber...blubber is the BBQ chicken of the beaches!
Ron: Boy did that Whale EXPLODE! The 70's, we just made everything up as we went along. None of this over anal-lysing BS
Brick: I love...DYNAMITE! LOUD NOISES!
Veronica: Didn't the Chinese see this..they blow up a frozen river? It's catching on...
Harrison Ford: It's a damn good line and it's worth repeating. I'm gonna say it as Mack Tannen and you've got to be Finnish soon...
Ron: As a Mexican we never like to finish. I have a whole book on revolutionary tales to decipher..but I don't speak the lingo and it's not in my DNA and that's known as longistics.
Veronica: Linguistics Ron
Q & A - I would brew a cup of Tea before U open a beer or have a glass of Vin this this is way long
Harrison Ford: At this bloggers age I was playing John Book as a cop being a carpenter in Amish country lets keep it real...the internet is such a time consumer
Ed Hiccup: Yeah like TV but I don't watch that now. Especially after 'Sherlock' finished. You know Ridley Scott directed Blade Runner at the same age..somewhere along the line I made career mistakes. Although, come to think of it I can't act or direct...
Harrison Ford: Or tell jokes you're a lousy writer son but don't give up the day job
Ed Hiccup: Okay Dad!? What the hell was Spielberg thinking when he said you were too old to play Indy at fifty? Look at Tom Cruise he's still running around all soldier hero and sci-fi stuff in Edge of Tomorrow! (*note this trailer actually is a 'spoiler' I think the whole plots in there)
Harrison Ford: Yeah but have you seen the metal body frame? He needs that to get around. It's not the years pal it's the mileage...I take each mile as it comes and I never count 'em.
Ed Hiccup: With Sony knocking out two more Ironman films since Indy 4...you've got quite a bit of catching up to do?
Harrison Ford: Hell kid don't get cocky even Robert Downey Jnr needs a metal suit! I'm the real deal..do you see him sweating? Maybe after I'm done with going Solo again
Ed Hiccup: Fair dues. You were great as Jack Ryan too..what ever happened to that plot line?
Harrison Ford: Good Q&A. Who shot JR?
Ed Hiccup: It was Kenneth Branagh and Disney now owns Star Wars. The 21st Century is all weird. How is the Millennium Falcon by the way...
Harrison Ford: She was parked in the garage but our kids took it out for a joyride. Trying to do the old man out of the Kessel Run! ha. I always make sure I take out the Hyperdrive.
Ed Hiccup: So is Skywalkers's Legacy going well?
Harrison Ford: Uncle Luke always keeps tabs on his nephew and niece. I'm wary of his dark side and he's recently gone missing on Sinnarte or is it Korriban? I'm a rebel without a cause now...
Ed Hiccup: You mean Sinnarte is a planet where Sinartra lives or the Sith live? Or is it Moraband?
Lucasfilm Cool..Millennium Falcon
Harrison Ford: Listen I just try and say whatever George writes. I'm the Commanding General and I have a whole Fleet to patrol the New Republic. Queen Leia's taken over her Mother's job on Naboo and up to all sorts in the new Senate so were kinda busy.
Ed Hiccup: Stay classy in that new Realm of the Jedi...by the way is Luke a King?
Harrison Ford: A Jedi King? Great I've been away for thirty years and everyone's giving themselves self proclaimed titles. You'd never guess but after Boba Fett was eaten Luke decided to clone Wicket the ewok and I'll tell you those fellas are a darn sight better shot.
Ed Hiccup: They're not gonna fight over the throne are they? Please don't let them clone Jar Jar binks
Ron: Nope! They do not have triple-barrelled names. This is not game of thrones
Harrison Ford: Back off I'm working now so get off my case...
Back to the Future...before the future became back to front and remember never go slideways
Mack Tannen: Listen up team, I need you to focus. I'm taking a gamble with 50% revenue slashed off our advertising exposure, there's no Liberty Ships in divergence on the horizon and our sponsors require us to merge in turn.
Ron: Well I do believe Liberty Ships were
merchant vessels to aid the convoy fleets during WW2 and they served a purpose to aid the
shipping cargos that kept Europe from starving and I think we still do?
Fantana: I told you we didn't need to
Ron: I'm not going there again...I've
done that bit
Champ: How long did they take to make?
Ron: They built Liberty ships in 70
days and the record was rivited in 4 ½ days
Ed Harken: I'm rivited to the spot you've got 4
Veronica: I wouldn't want to put a bet on
Fantana: Well don't bet against the
Minesota Vikings, at home in the winter
Champ: What's the go here? We've got four and a half hours! Can't you give us four and a half days?!
Ron: Thanks Champ now I can do my
segue. Who do you think we are? Robert E. Peary?
Brick: Who's segue?
Champ: They puty together so that we
can mould it into a team effort
Fantana: We've got to make her our own,
sail her and send her off to the 'roof of the world'. I always knew there was a sequel to the Sky Above The Roof
Veronica: You can hoist my sails
Ron: And I can drop the anchor
Fantana: I'll do the first bit
Brick: And I'll raise the colors..loud noises?!
Ron: We've got a problem. If there's no Liberty Ships on the
horizon then the ships really going to hit the harbour?!
Ed Harken: And we don't want that in San
Diego we've already had those Jurassic Park guys
Champ: Okay, we've got to think on our
Brick: What about our heads..(he really is standing on his head hahahahha)
Fantana: Brick get up
Champ: Can I wear your X-Ray specs
Brick...I've booked my vacation on a Ryan Air Flight
Veronica: What's withthe RAF?!
Fantana: Can't you remember the 7.63 bit?
Ron: Well there's nothing for it I'm
lighting up another Burgundy line cigar...makes me think better and
we're going to stoke another one and Mount Vesuvious if we have to
Veronica: I love it when you talk dirty
Brick: I love...a happy land!!
Turners journal circa 1817
Ron: We've got to take bigger, huger humongous risks...without revenue without chains on
wheels were just riding a unicycle on a breeze of Anchor
apathy..and that's a low depression? Brick give me a forecast?
And lets not get a puncture that would bend the rim..no, this is much more like sticking a plaster to an even bigger problem...we're going
to have to join....FOREIGN AFFAIRS!
Fantana: I love those
Italian Channels! Italian women are an entertainment especially with ice cream!
Ron: And Classy. HIGH CLASS in fact..is there anything higher than first class?
Brick: I love...Top Class
Champ: Can't we go to that other place in
France that's called another Britain?
Fantana: Oh, I thought you just said
we're going to see Britney...I'm up for that
Ron: No it's more than just a place in
the sun...were going to AFGHANISTAN!
Champ: Haven't the
Russian just gone in and left..?
Veronica: Yes..that was a very quick
Ron: Lets go Team!
Fantana: But we've just gone in a
decade later & aren't we leaving soon?
Veronica: Guys you really let those
Ron: What's the problem? What say you Intelligence
Inside the Cobra operative room aka 'Spies like us'... MI6: Didn't we tell you something was
up when those Afghan guys hijacked a plane into Heathrow...was anybody paying attention? Was Cobra even around then? Taliban: We just love to smash rocks up of idols...mostly pop idols we can't get the Cd's over here
CIA : Yeah like who spooked us on all the
aeroplane pilot info..
FAA: Hey, don't look at us...
Hans Blix: I was the fall guy
David Kelly: I'm the scapegoat Scott Ritter: I'm the red herring? Did anyone order my book?
Robin Cook: I was the Foreign Secretary for a tad and looking at the Intelligence Dossiers (and not the sexed up one) I knew Iraq was incapable of WMD's and posed no threat to the UK. This is going to be sooo illegal...plus I may resign over it too Rumsfeld: I really don't give a shit if the brits are in on it or not. I shook hands with Saddam and Blair ok
FBI: It's not like we're going to stop
people flying to Pakistan to train in these camps you know...no-one likes extreme measures...
..retuning into the BBC 3 Griffin channel gone digital
Peter Griffin: Lets go to Cuba and Internment you guys. Rent out the Seige it's all in there...
Lois Griffin: That's not internment
Peter it's a totally different set of parameters
Stewie Griffin: Yeah parameters 12 ft
high razor wire and electric shock treatment that's what that is
Brian Griffin: No that was Abu
Stewie Griffin: God we're quite cruel aren't we..who taught us this I'm impressionable you know?
Peter Griffin: Well at least in Iraqi hands the prisons are really well kept and prisoner rights are just as good if not better than the United States of the USA...
Ex President Bush: Hey come and see
this dog I've just painted looks exactly like Scooby doo! Tony Blair: Bark! Bark! Woof! Woof!
Bark! Bark! Shaggy!
Lost in Translation : Don't put words in my mouth but
like me I did it in Gods name Shaggy!
Tony Blair: Bark! Bark! Woof! scooby dooby doo
Written typescript Translation: Send me to the Middle East as a Special Envoy it'll be ironic and I'll cost the earth to hire scooby dooby doo
Veronica: He sure is Special. You know I think we could do
with an additional 15 years of Spitting Image they would have had a
field day..unless today's world is a Spitting Image?!
Brick: I love...Arena! The World she is indeed strange on both pages and also upside down
Brian Griffin: This should be in part X aka Xenophobia. Stewie Griffin: In a strangeland of strangers staying strange and not making friends and remaining friendly only amongst strangers and everyone getting the fear and losing the ever stranger plot that thickens like glue...people are strange! And I'm sooo young I'm not even allowed to talk to strangers
CIA: Isn't Romania in
the euro now?
CIA: Say what did they do to that
CIA: Oh...only asking.
their last PM doing?
CIA: He's a Jail face. Mr Nasty Nastase. MI6: You can only get done for bribery.. CIA: When it involves money..like taxes with the Mob MI6: And not for overtly killing..hundreds of thousands of people? CIA: You know I love history
MI6: Yeah..it keeps on repeating
itself. CIA: We'd be out of a job if it didn't..with a little of our unhelpfulness FBI: I love making it happen. All we guys had to do was share info and we wouldn't be in this mess Bush: I was gonna dictate to you that I wanted to go into Iraq anyway - I mean didn't you 'legally' vote me in America? MI6: And some people wonder how wars start...
poorman: family feuds? slash queen victoria's nephews? slash fascism? slash right wing republicanism? slash dictators that the western govt's helped create? slash nationalism? slash religion? slash oil? slash WATER? Slash factories making weapons that sponsor the london underground museum? slash the cold war beginning and the end? Richman: Profit...that's it Barrister Palin: Mr Poorman I have had about enough rough knuckles with you and your high fonts so help me i will send you to the Tyburn Tree again... Judge Cleese: Look stick him next to a Banda machine and we'll duplicate him and we can do what we will unto them for ever more poor in the gutter from rags to wide screen TV's and reaping the benefits of their kind living in feudal slum squalor while we enjoy the benefits of off shore islands and sugar plantation manor housing estate associations of the National Trust park my car within a white boundary...and keep off the grass will you. I hear it's good for medicinal purposes only.. poorman: Whereas I smoke Haddock it's not endangered like cod Richman: I eat Clams they always keep their mouths closed like my Spy ring Barrister Palin: Right Tyburn Tree again for you! Fonting all over the plaice like that it's what's turned this country into an ocean of mulleted mallards (he proceeds to hit him with a ruler again) poorman: what's the FCUKUING POINT you string me up all the Fracking Time! Richman: Are you refering to the turd mallards of Scotland are you asking for a fight? Judge Cleese: Right is this a posh fight you're after? Cos I'm feeling ready for one. I've got my sleeves rolled up. I bet you're half Scottish aren't you?! Now you don't want to guard our Queen or be in the thick of battle with us any more eh. Our water not good enough for you - I'll make sure you get more than fracking independence... poorman: quick everyone run away run away run away...small font i'm running but i need the money
CIA: Say, how come you're not MI5 anymore?
MI6: That's Tom Cruises' next movie and
YOU do not want to step on his Cruise control toes. In another few years we'll be onto Mission Impossible 7
CIA: I hear you're up for an
anniversary this year
MI6: Yep it's a biggy The 100th anniversary
of the Great Wars up
CIA: We won't need an anniversary ticker tape til 2017...we
came late to the party as usual...
Prime Minister Cameron: And It will give us Eton boys
a chance to shoot the poor in the back again slash the army and not have a cheap one full of Territorials like a hundred years ago we have proper contingency plans for advancing Teutonic Uhlans and we shall have a referendum on to charge or not to charge with cavalry against machine guns...we'll just use up fodder instead. I mean pals brigades..what are friends for?
MI6: And stop any unessesary decade old
Iraqi f***ups from getting out in the press
CIA: Divide and rule boys..divide and
Education Gove minister: This is no way
to treat history...how dare you swear on national
internet surveillance. I'll make sure
GCSE exams are harder and not teach kids about Iraq.
MI6: Yeah we taught the CIA all this divide and rule empire s*** they learnt it from us
CIA: We kicked butt in Fallugha. We paid
a heavy price there
MI6: Ugh?! Fallugha's fallen I think...? It's over run now with low IQ's again
CIA: Mind your P's and Q's
BAE: Hold on our profits are levelling
out...can't you get us into another fine mess soon
Gove: We always stop teaching history when we won in 1945 and we never say when Queen Victoria died the Empire died too. Or that we were ever in Afghanistan before or had an Ottoman Empire and none of this nonsense selling Rolls Royce engines for Russian MIGS before the Korean War or how Suez was an idea by Suzanne in the MOD or why MASH is mistaken for Vietnam and just because most National Trust houses were built from our Fair Trading legal legacy doesn't mean kids go free which is nothing compared to the concentration camps of the Boer War. Kids don't even know who f*****it up in the first place?
Team 4slash5: THE BRITS...
Veronica: Emily Hobhouse was and is a good woman. Fact.
de-tuning into Griffin held Hell Mondo - where the north of Afghanistan is not low IQ territory at all
Stewie Griffin: God he's really angry
today isn't he..do you think he'll get to episode 13 without some kung fu taliban ninja going in for I'm going to get you sucka Brian Griffin: No they've got a ceasefire going since 1st March and they're actually laughing at this?
Stewie Griffin: That's noble coming from you..mister sat on the fence honky tonk it ends on April Fools Day?!
Peter Griffin: Who cares..they're just
daft punks anyway
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, let's get 'em
drunk and wasted. Then we can really nail them
Peter Griffin: We could actually talk
to these guys?! Put our arms round 'em, you know how
everyone just Loves each other when
Stewie Griffin: Hold on..I can get
quite angry when I'm drunk and do they drink?
Brian Griffin: That's irony for you –
no prohibition just hero-in
Peter Griffin: Okay we go for lots of
pills and knock e'm dead. Hallucinate and we can all be friends hell
even rubber plants are more intelligent. I'll talk
existentialism with them and compare Sartre and we can all feel nauseus
together we'll be best pals. It's a guaranteed KO
Brian Griffin: Look there's just no
justice in the world anymore
Peter Griffin: Is that it! No justice
of the Peace I'm that man. Brian Griffin: They've got a month long ceasefire so just like extend it for forever Peter Griffin: I'm the right family guy for the job. Lois Griffin: No. Peter you can't
create a choice...not in this country it's not one of the three fates
Peter Griffin: Well what states ironic? Mr
Cameron and New selfie satire Labour (previous guys with no Kinnock) giving the
kids no reason to learn. This really is dumb history?
Brian Griffin: No history is really
dumb. Goodbye cruel world I'm off into a Thoreau's dreamstate
John Muir: Sorry hocch hi me laddy Scotland independence league...nature is over
Brian Griffin: Look I'm going to
hibernate..Bears do it and Dogs can now. Were intelligent guys wake me up from a Lions cave in another decade Stewie Griffin: Yeah that's really borderline collie coming from you. Become a Caveman type dog thingy oh so brave. Hook up with Barbarah Bach you know she's excellent company for a Lion Brian Griffin: Too bad they're extinct now...otherwise in the next ten years we'll all be
just a piece of furniture in a cave slash room
Spike Milligan: (cue hanky panky on head) Or furniture of the
womb...I'm a whoopie cushion!!
Leslie Nielsen: Are you sure you want
to be a whoopie cushion? Can't I be a whoopie cushion?
Spike Milligan: Sure i'm
a kindly fellow I will become a settee hee hee and you can sit down on me and watch TV he he
Dave Allen: Mind boggling isn't it...? How history will be laughing down at us. I'm laughing
everyday...every day already! By the way I can smoke on TV while you lot continue to pollute the atmosphere with carbon monoxide from fancy cars. And don't give me the half battery crap..you're just plugging into the fracking mains powered by nuclear energy and coal you goons.
Back to Ron nee gains gaining the wobble above the quaffle of defunct banda's
Ron: Phew-wee! Bit complicated since the 1970's isn't it...kind of overtakes Watergate, Nixon, Vietnam and the quest of McCarthyism all rolled into one but I think I'm catching up quick. How's our hostage boys doing in Iran?
Fantana: They're going with Argo! And it really is a film this time..
Ron: Hey - I've done that bit already and how much did you get for that fleece Brick?
Brick: $7 and I think I may have accidently sent Best Defense to Saddam and he got the idea to invade.
Ron: What a pisser !
Champ: Then what's the problem? It's only the
Northern Alliance and Pakistan to sort out?
Veronica: What happened to the Northern Alliance..I'm a reporter and I think I should know?
Ron: This is such a good idea and I'm loving every single second of thinking about it. In fact it's giving me such a strange sensation with all of my hairs standing on the back of my head.
Brick: Hahahahaha - you said hairy head. Sorry..I don't know why I'm laughing. Your hair is wonderful Ron
Ron: Careful Brick or I will just have to make you spell you're name with a P in future episodes okay!
Chani: Now look what you've done. Brick's crying
Veronica: Come hear Brick sweetie I'll give you a sympathy cuddle
Chani: No way sister he's my Brick and my Love was built on his foundation stone
Champ: What a man..way to go Brick. What a load of brick's...how high can you build?
Fantana: Um. I'm good for a squeeze Veronica. In fact would you like to see my underwear?
Ron: Are you guys hungry for EXTREME NEWS or what?!
Ed Harken: Oh by the way they've got MTN so
universal mobile is a go
Champ: Hey weren't they the sponsors of the
South African World Cup? Even though I don't do soccer I somehow know about it
Fantana: Don't they like to do deals in the best
places on earth?
Veronica: They do like to do deals in the worst places on earth
Brick: Whichever way the weather vane is pointing it spells trouble...
Ron: You mean you can support Manchester Utd with MTN as a sponsor and still be a soldier in the desert who supports a world branded Football team and with
the Taliban you can both be on the same network?! Don't tell me even the enemy can support the same football team and be on the same network too!!?
Champ: Didn't you just repeat some of that
Brick: It's UK Gold!
Veronica: But don't wear the Red T-shirt you'd stick out like a sore thumb
Ron: This is such a great idea. I'm going with a deal "GOOD MORNING AGHANISTAN" it's a GO...
Brick: Before or after our new release?
Champ: This is after we had loads of new jokes to tell and we are so jumping back and forth through time it's all blurring into one or are we all over the place?
Ron: Can you give me a percentage on that?
Fantana: About 1% that's just the 7.63 bit...this bit i'm not sure what's funny
Ron: I knew this was working...
Brick: I love...re-editing
Fantana: 763 new jokes! I said we needed to be more funny
Ron: So many adlibs and outtakes I'm so pleased
Fantana: But we're left with 755.35 here that's nigh on impossible. Like Starter for Ten!
Champ: Or starter of X?
Bo Derek: Listen boys just press play and watch 10 again...
Brick: I love...challenges
Ron: Right lets go TEAM! First with an Anchorman website Fantana you'll be doing a Pod cast from out in the field in a protective protected reporters building. Brick you can do a weather blog and describe those desert storms for us and I want to see how your Candyland followers do on Chitter and that Farcebook thingy cos I've got heavy investments in both stocks..I've got exclusivity on this one! Champ we can get loads of apps for you and play Whammy Bats in Afghan. Veronica how's the publishing going...oh and you're new cinnamon perfume? Let me have a whiff...
7.63 minutes later...
Veronica: You know Ron what comes after V? W for Wonderful...
Ron: VW? Are we cars? Is this a game...cos I'm tired out and kinda hot under the bonnet still and It'll be longer that 4 ½ days before
we get to the desert and anyway I wouldn't want to go there sober I'm starting on opium of the people instead..I was a bit late this time. I was enjoying the week of my new release!! And I haven't stopped laughing for...X amount of days!!!!
who you gonna call?
19th March 2014 18th Feb (part10), 14th Feb (part 9) 12th Feb (part8) 8th Feb (part7) 6thFeb (part6 episode2), 4th Feb (part6), 28th Jan (part5), 24th Jan (part4), 22nd Jan (part3), 18th Jan (part2), 14th Jan (part1)