Finally we've been let out of our cage..and into a Thinktank Taxi rank. Can they still fill in a Subway? How far can this journey go on shuffle? Have they really been stuck in a traffic jam all summer? Not with Derek Fairweather the straight talking Cabbie man! Could it be true? Will they get another chance to sit in air conditioned offices of the Tardis where the interior is a bigger institution than the outside exterior? Ohh crikey, ooh dear, yes, yes well oo dear I say why didn't you say so matron. What a Carry on...
Ian Fletcher: Exactly how far are we going?
David Wilkes: Is this a payment all the way to Salford?
Tracey Pritchard: No
Simon Harwood: As things are written..this is still within the context that we are still momentarily seated in the back of a chinese owned taxi cab
Siobhan Sharpe: Oh like the guys from Inception..cool. Ofer the ridge and far away we go. Spinning.
Simon Harwood: Like our Top Gear friends in Argentina
Ian Fletcher: Siobhan you need to sober up..before we get back to the beeb. Have some water
Siobhan Sharpe: This is a wrap around stream.
Tracey Pritchard: Dream!
David Wilkes: This is five levels of dreams from reality..
Tracey Pritchard: Get a grip
Simon Harwood: Reality bites
Ian Fletcher: Yes well my hands are certainly holding firm to the bottle thank you
Siobhan Sharpe: Fank you for the water Ian. I really like you Ian you know that don't you. Cuderly too. Winky poo. Oooh look the Number plate is W1A get in there.
Simon Harwood: Can someone hold onto Siobhan she's trying to climb through the window
Cabbie: The names Derek. Derek Fairweather. Fair by name fair by nature know what I mean?
Ian Fletcher: Hullo
Derek Fairweather: All's fair in my Cab do you get me? Do you? Do you get me? Do you? Do you?
Simon Harwood: Yes, thank you cabbie. BBC headquarters please.
Derek Fairweather: Where the sun is always shining inside no matter what the weather
Simon Harwood: Do you mean in your Taxi or the BBC?
David Wilkes: You know it's not sunny weather now...times have changed
Ian Fletcher: The clocks have gone back. Yes I see
Derek Fairweather: I'm not happy when it's too hot and I ain't into hot bloody weather. Gets me in a right hump all that hot headedness asking for water and headache tablets and dysentry. I ain't avin't it
Ian Fletcher: Quite. Bottled waters very clean here..Siobhan can you try not to dribble please
Derek Fairweather: Listen you know that show with that Amstrad guy
Ian Fletcher: Alan Sugar?
Simon Harwood: Lord Sugar
Derek Fairweather: I haven't got time for Lords. Unless it's cricket..do you get me? Do you?
Lucy Freeman: How many apprentices does he need?
Derek Fairweather: He's kept me sweet in business the last ten years my lovely
David Wilkes: He's like a Sith Lord!
Lucy Freeman: The only decent Lord the BBC has is Doctor Who
Ian Fletcher: Right..I mean I wouldn't go that far
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool.
Derek Fairweather: It's a right Royal mess up that's what it is
David Wilkes: We're not Royals..Lordes is the Queen Bee on my ipod
Derek Fairweather: A right Royal pardon...were not Royals? Well thank god for small mercy's
Ian Fletcher: Where? In Lourdes?
Siobhan Sharpe: A great swinger from New Zealand name won?
Ian Fletcher: Swingers?
Tracey Pritchard: Singers! Siobhan
Simon Harwood: Dame Kiri Te Kanawa.
Tracey Pritchard: You can't drink Welsh Brandy anymore Siobhan. You owe me a drink by the way after this and it's expensive I purchased it from Harrods.
Derek Fairweather: Are you lot on drugs or something? I'm not having that kind of behaviour in my Taxi. I operate a strict policy and zero tolerance on alcohol I'm a recovering alcoholic do you get me?
Ian Fletcher: Sorry. No. I mean yes quite. Obviously.
Simon Harwood: What he means is do carry on cabbie with what you were starting to say
Derek Fairweather: Thank you. Yeah well while Lawd Sugar was chucking out all and sunder into the abyss of the unknown. I'm one of the cabbies taking all those high dose egos and mighty business types back home in me cab. Not to my home obviously who do you think I am a bloody landlord. Most traders down the camden market do better than those so-called apprentice tycoons.
Siobhan Sharpe: No way. No way. That is outrageous. That's like won in a million we'd find you!
Lucy Freeman: One in twenty thousand actually
Derek Fairweather: Well I was the cabbie until he kept firing two and three at a time
David Wilkes: I just lurve the camden market.
Derek Fairweather: I do like taking the come dine with me people too cos I get the leftovers
Simon Harwood: Celebrity left overs..
Derek Fairweather: Ha ha very funny..
Ian Fletcher: Okay. Down on the Dining street. I'm with you
Lucy Freeman: Downing Street
Derek Fairweather: I do have a nice folder of celebs on my iphone 7
Siobhan Sharpe: Crazy complete the puzzle. How comes yous got an iphone 7?
David Wilkes: It looks like a Samsung...
Tracey Pritchard: If you build something that small and flat to fit into your pocket it's all going to look the bleeding same.
David Wilkes: Were all looking at the same stuff..apps on the go. They're free on my home computer
Siobhan Sharpe: That's the internet for you crazee software out of date but the hardwares still in good shape. But then I know nothing about laptops..I've got an ipad
Derek Fairweather: This is a special Taxi luv. In the next installment were doing a segue on time travel. My iphone 7 is well old I got it off ebay. They were already up to iphone 17 in the 20's
Ian Fletcher: Oh yes, quite. Run up to 30 years of Back to the Future?
 |
| Roads?..where were going we don't need roads. We use inter rail instead |
David Wilkes: Marty's kids must be...how old do you think they will be?
Simon Harwood: Not from 1970's obviously...for a long time it was.
David Wilkes: About a decade?
Simon Harwood: How we all keep marching on through time..only Doctor Who knows
Derek Fairweather: Good times in the 70's. Northern Soul was cool. I only did a 3 day week do you get me? I was forever going up to Wigan
David Wilkes: Got it..looks good. Hey how about Northern Soul Brother as a sequel
Derek Fairweather: Northern Soul Man..in Detroit.
 |
| What you lot looking at..get back to work |
Tracey Pritchard: Sounds like my neighbourhood...under UKIP
David Wilkes: This is sooo exciting what have you seen?
Derek Fairweather: Far enough into the future to watch the New Republic trilogy of Star Wars mate.
David Wilkes: And ..and tell me more
Derek Fairweather: I went too far in the future and they were all out on netflix
Tracey Pritchard: That's sad, can't we get a DVD boxset anymore?
Siobhan Sharpe: Breaking Bad will not be the same...it's over and I don't watch anything now
Tracey Pritchard: Not even your own shadow?
Derek Fairweather: Not as sad as seeing Luke Skywalker die and appear as a ghost..shadows of the Empire.
David Wilkes: The saga has a long cast
Simon Harwood: The next ones will be ghosts of Star Wars.
Siobhan Sharpe: Star Wars Most Haunted...
David Wilkes: Ghostbusters in Space. Incredible. I hope Disney make that ride
Derek Fairweather: Like most of my rides. Top birds in the back though on occasion and some right charlies but live and learn as my motto says. I've had that tattooed on my hands.. live & learn
Ian Fletcher: Do you mind putting both hands back on the wheel
Tracey Pritchard: You only have 4 fingers on your right hand. It says 'Live & earn'
Derek Fairweather: I live and earn my way in this world sister. Do you get me? Do you get me? Hey, hey. Do you ?
Simon Harwood: Yes. Yes. Cabbie.
Derek Fairweather: Do you?
Ian Fletcher: Do you mind putting both hands back on the wheel
Derek Fairweather: Yeah, well it was meant to say 'learn' but I lost a thumb with the 'L' in a fight
David Wilkes: What with?
Derek Fairweather: A vice
Ian Fletcher: Advice?
Derek Fairweather: None was given they missed out the d
David Wilkes: So there was nothing for you to learn from their advice then?
Derek Fairweather: No. I said I was only a learner. Ha ha
Ian Fletcher: Do we actually know who the culprits were? Having no advice..It's all very circumstantial
Derek Fairweather: I used to have a vice
Ian Fletcher: For wood?
Simon Harwood: That's the Vice squad for you. Include drugs and we have a 10 billion pound income.
Siobhan Sharpe: I have a vice..for drink
Ian Fletcher: We had noticed
Derek Fairweather: Do you get me! Like I said no alcohol in my vehicle
Ian Fletcher: Right..
Derek Fairweather: So were off to your new BBC build then. Shame the Blue Peter garden will be concreted over. That was part of my children's childhood.
Simon Harwood: I know. All that greenery gone. Terrible. What do you think kids follow now?
Tracey Pritchard: Each other but it's not necessarily greener on the other side
Ian Fletcher: You mean ITV. And we've already done this bit
Simon Harwood: Istanbul, Tehran and Vilnius
Ian Fletcher: I thought Ankara was the Turkey capital? Surely you mean Islamabad
Lucy Freeman: ATV doesn't exist anymore. And Putins knocking on Latvia's door not Lithuania
Simon Harwood: Well, not yet
Tracey Pritchard: Ian if you apply for the Foreign Office you have to be practical and learn from our lessons.
Derek Fairweather: Like we learnt our lessons from 7/7?
Simon Harwood: No one is allowed to Syria and Pakistan on their gap year
Ian Fletcher: Sounds like a nice tight little policy?
Derek Fairweather: It's so small and tight no-one has actually found it mate.
Ian Fletcher: Oh yes I follow
Simon Harwood: Mistakes..as far as the eye can see.
Tracey Pritchard: And we need to view it from space..
David Wilkes: Interstellar space..I want to view this in 70mm
Simon Harwood: Lets see..oh it's Another Earth..Moon..no.. Jupiter Ascending..Gravity.. Solaris..no..Sunshine
Lucy Freeman: Sunshine of the spotless mind..?
Derek Fairweather: A father daughter relationship when I see one?
David Wilkes: Like Saturn..where you float on the seas of a father's love?
Tracey Pritchard: No
David Wilkes: Something to do with Venus?
Lucy Freeman: No..you'll have to travel miles to see your daughter every other weekend
Simon Harwood: Reality..for some people I should imagine. You'll just age seven years from a divorce
Tracey Pritchard: McConaughey does look clean doesn't he?
David Wilkes: I think he got a bit dirty in Tropic Thunder and he was in Sahara so he's used to sand and dust
Lucy Freeman: That's slightly off the beaten track right now
Derek Fairweather: Oh it's a beaten track alright
Ian Fletcher: Well lets try a top 10?
Tracey Pritchard: Top 'Tens machines' for schools..
Siobhan Sharpe: So we are focusing now on whether we can actually re-run any 1970's episodes of Top of the Pops?
Tracey Pritchard: Top of the Plots..
Lucy Freeman: I'm so glad it's not the 70's anymore..I wasn't even born until the 80's
Simon Harwood: It's safer now people now only want selfies..on iCloud
Siobhna Sharpe: Lets have a group photo of us all in the Taxi..okay hold it. Can you get a little bit closer to me Ian
David Wilkes: What if your a fan ?
Siobhan Sharpe: You stay at home and like celebrities only on your facebook page
Ian Fletcher: Right. Better to keep ones distance
Derek Fairweather: ..mind you I was always keen on Blondie.
David Wilkes: 'I'm having a good time..I'm having a Ball..you can't stop me now'..as sung by that guy from Queen.
Simon Harwood: Queen have been so quiet over the last 20 years...not sure what they're doing
Siobhan Sharpe: We will.. We Will Rock You..forever obsessed?
Ian Fletcher: Something to look forward too.
Derek Fairweather: Not having U2's new album on iTunes for free..so you get me?
Ian Fletcher: We need a warning.
Derek Fairweather: Give a days notice before and I can block my in box from U2 that'd be enough warning. I prefer Status Quo you know
Simon Harwood: A loud klaxon would be a good sounding off
Lucy Freeman: When you see presenters putting their arm round people?
Tracey Pritchard: Including politicians?
Siobhan Sharpe: We'll go for the Red Triangle. We can come up with a newer logo?
Ian Fletcher: That's not quite the sign we need
David Wilkes: It is. I have one when I have my car boot open
Tracey Pritchard: That's because YOU are a hazard..
Derek Fairweather: Bloody politicians. That's the next cover up believe you me. Like Pleb gate but it won't be as funny.
Simon Harwood: It wasn't in Belgium.
David Wilkes: They never kept Clunk Click on repeat
Derek Fairweather: The dancers were always stunning. Great legs. Legs & co
Lucy Freeman: Careful cabbie
Simon Harwood: DJ is a bad word.
Derek Fairweather: Fat Liberal. That's two bad words in one. Do you get me? Do you? Do you get me?
Siobhan Sharpe: Hear this before a date DJ. Okay. Initials aren't bad for a dinner jacket..it's got to get back to it's roots.
Ian Fletcher: Moot point Siobhan. Delicate issues - suits re-branding for starters
Derek Fairweather: Michael Jackson wore suits in the early days when he was off the wall. Didn't win many law suits did he? But in the end it was the man in the mirror with the cigar and cheap medallion
David Wilkes: Lets run with a post DJ set
Tracey Pritchard: How?
Simon Harwood: A cross between Free Burma campaign on the world service but without cartoon time drawings
David Wilkes: Does that mean Aung San Suu Kyi is going to go on desert island discs?
Lucy Freeman: Listen so long as the Children in Need message has got through to Social services over the last 30 years and are open to question then that's a good thing.
Ian Fletcher: Is that in the spotlight?
Derek Fairweather: Not in South Yorkshire...it wasn't even on the radar
Simon Harwood: Operation Yew Tree has many branches.
Derek Fairweather: You should see it's roots. I'm tellin' you it goes on for bleeding miles
Lucy Freeman: So long as it doesn't fall on deaf ears
Ian Fletcher: What?
Tracey Pritchard: It's the leaves that fall
David Wilkes: And the sap?
Simon Harwood: It's still leaking. And not just from Operation Ore.
Ian Fletcher: Now lets try and keep this vet speak only
Siobhan Sharpe: Put down
Derek Fairweather: I think some people need to be put down
Simon Harwood: Resign. And still take a hefty pension pot..or saved with a D-Notice
Derek Fairweather: Well if it's in the public interest. Stuff the discretion. Have we got free press or not? That's what I want to know.
Tracey Pritchard: It makes my blood boil. It makes me want to scream and some people need a damn good hiding
Derek Fairweather: All the authorities are good at hiding
Tracey Pritchard: Politicians are up in the clouds aren't they with blue sky thinking
Ian Fletcher: Sum up the summer
David Wilkes: We had a great summer
Ian Fletcher: Yes the weather was..perfect
Derek Fairweather. No rain guv. A bit of rain in August though
Ian Fletcher: Quite
......
Lucy Freeman: There's been a bit of a storm brewing for a while
Simon Harwood: Not for much longer
Tracey Pritchard: I think I heard thunder
Derek Fairweather: That was the complaints commission on behalf of Cliff Richard. My mother loves that guy and she's got his calender. The BBC don't need credibility where nones due.
David Wilkes: I've got a Police calender...
Ian Fletcher: Is that with Sting?
Lucy Freeman: It was a sting
David Wilkes: Not with Robert Redford and Paul Newman. This is a Police charity calender..from Yorkshire
Ian Fletcher: Can we stick to the plan...we've got to form a consensus
David Wilkes: Like a regimented one?
Lucy Freeman: Like the sense of the RAF Army & Navy
Derek Fairweather: R>A>N also rans..we have only two jets now. Top Gun 2. All our kit is in Cyprus. That's what military cuts do for you in this country. It's going down the plughole and we've got a basin to fill.
Lucy Freeman: The Euphrates River
Tracey Pritchard: And a small town in Bastion but not in Kobani
Simon Harwood: You mean we used to have a small bastion town.
Derek Fairweather: So did Turkey...
Ian Fletcher: Near it's borders?
David Wilkes: Have we left any equipment for the Afghan army?
Simon Harwood: No. Don't be silly they're poor. They can't afford our equipment
Lucy Freeman: You mean like the Warthogs that came too late?
Tracey Pritchard: So long as it's a policy as good as Iraqs and we won't ever need to go back there again.
Derek Fairweather: We don't. The Americans only gave us Basra..we got lucky. They had the whole country to master. Then they saw we hadn't used any weapons. Just water pistols. Because we were near a river. From the air we used sprinklers.
Simon Harwood: And gave us Helmund as a forfeit. No hoses were fired there either.
David Wilkes: Oh I thought they were growing poppies..
Lucy Freeman: No the Afghans were - and still do
Simon Harwood: We were watering their gardens..
Derek Fairweather: We trained Afghans well. Well enough not to use our armoured vehicles.
Ian Fletcher: Because..they're not on tour..? And we were?
Siobhan Sharpe: That's an Army Tour bus holiday as initiated by the Water Board Office?
Ian Fletcher: Okay lack of fresh water supplies.. with you on that score
Derek Fairweather: We'd need them in the next London riots. Do you get me? Do you?
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool. Water cannons.
Ian Fletcher: Water cannons are only needed when it's hot?
Simon Harwood: If there's a drought we'll use Warthogs. Something tells me in that sentence that all the Warthogs have drunk the water anyway
Ian Fletcher: War Games are played strategically afterwards then?
David Wilkes: Like War Games with Mathew Broderick?
Simon Harwood: No that was a threat of nuclear war with computers this was a threat only on the ground...if you were there you were a target.
Derek Fairweather: Be thankful it gave us Bluestone 42, Invictus aftershave and a plot line in Doctor Who while everyone still partied hard on the dance floors in Magaluf. That's another kind of carnage. Do you get me ? Do you?
Siobhan Sharpe: Stayin Alive..on the dancefloors. Worth fighting for
Ian Fletcher: What more freedom do we need?
Siobhan Sharpe: Relocation! Relocation! Relocation!
David Wilkes: Hong Kong?
Siobhan Sharpe: Couldn't we like do a swap like Hong Kong for Scotland with the Chinese?
Derek Fairweather: Fair swap. I think Hong Kong is worth more
Ian Fletcher: I'm glad you are not in politics
Derek Fairweather: I'm not I work part time in the civil service..online open university. The internet
Ian Fletcher: Well that's another kind of democracy in it's own right
Lucy Freeman: Until 2017. Not the internet but Hong Kong.
Ian Fletcher: Are we making Hong Kong a top priority?
Simon Harwood: No
Tracey Pritchard: Unlike our priorities to Ukraine then
Derek Fairweather: Weren't it good to see Lewis Hamilton win the Russian Grand Prix. Know what I mean the Russian came 14th.
Lucy Freeman: If that was a race for Ukraine to start with, it would of been won fair and square.
Simon Harwood: I assume that's what happened. The ceasefire was a coincidence.
Lucy Freeman : The voting in east Ukraine was null and void so legitimacy isn't very happy
Legitimacy: I am not happy that I'm blue. I don't want to be red when I'm through
Simon Harwood: Legitimacy isn't very happy? Who's going to read him all the way through?! Endless repetition..unless you're a democracy as they sell it..see it I mean
Ian Fletcher: Quite
Derek Fairweather: Change the subject? That was for Bernie Eccleston to say.
David Wilkes: Did he?
Siobhan Sharper: Did he do a dare...to try for new negotiations?
Tracey Pritchard: Aren't the cars too noisy?
Ian Fletcher: What?
Siobhan Sharpe: Varooom! Varooom! Varooom! Smooth Criminal Putin
Ian Fletcher: 'Putin are you ok?' I don't see the...oh I get it
David Wilkes: Speed Demon...with a dancing rabbit was not a good video in claymation so I won't show it. Here Lucy take a look don't you think MJ's moves are cool..I tried it once but I fell over
Derek Fairweather: I'm sure I saw Putin dive for cover from Prosecco on the Grand Prix podium. And he's into Judo...we'll I used to do boxing. Three rounds with him and he'd be on the floor. No worries. KO
David Wilkes: Er..what kind of rounds? You know - he might cheat.
Ian Fletcher: Lets get back to the race. I thought the engines were quieter?
Derek Fairweather: Hey I never knew Putins waxwork could walk and talk. Do you get me?
Simon Harwood: Well we weren't there. I wouldn't like to verify which dummies said what or what money changed hands if any.
David Wilkes: Do you think Putin could be a melt in Subway?
Siobhan Sharpe: Putin melt with sanctioned cheese. Cool. We could do a banner ad. We can go with that.
Derek Fairweather: I'm going on Dragon's Den with that idea. Nice one.
Ian Fletcher: What?
Simon Harwwod: Lets not go with original Gorgonzola...then Bingo!
David Wilkes: Like the Banana splits..and it's my birthday. I'm five years old again
 |
| Problem..lets split! |
Tracey Pritchard: It's his reality let him live it
David Wilkes: Magic Machine, Magic Machine I want a Magic Machine..tra la la tra la la tra la la
Siobhan Sharpe: One banana two banana three banana four. Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more..over hill and highway the banana buggies go
David Wilkes: Making up a mess of fun..! lots of fun for everyone..!
Simon Harwood: The internet and TV rolled into one. Video and film used to have a nice well used kind of look didn't it. You could see the damage time had done or is that history?
Derek Fairweather: So long as Snork holds out we're covered with the fillings. Do you get me?
Lucy Freeman: No. You mean Turkey..
Ian Fletcher: I don't think they have any yellow umbrellas there
Tracey Pritchard: It's not raining
Derek Fairweather: Unlike in Scotland
Ian Fletcher: What? How to make Scotland more inclusive on the BBC?
Derek Fairweather: Can Glasgow actually get BBC now? You weren't scared you was gonna lose licence fee payers were you? Damn these traffic jams. Oi. I'm fair weather do you get me? Do you? Do you? Do you get me? Hey hey you...b******
Tracey Pritchard: I think they band us
Derek Fairweather: Mind out for me cab bleedin' cyclists. Do you get me? Do you do you? get me...
Simon Harwood: But still let in the liberals for a conference very very very strange
Derek Fairweather: Shove off!
Lucy Freeman: But they still made a great Commonwealth Games
Derek Fairweather: Whichever way you look at it you can't take the Scot out of a Scotsman even if they are British..or Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Do you get me?
Ian Fletcher: You mean Scottish
Siobhan Sharpe: Brilliant...ish
David Wilkes: ish is the new ish of britishness-ishness?
Simon Harwood: Engl-ish?
Ian Fletcher: Scott-ish?
David Wilkes: Ir-ish?
Tracey Pritchard: Welsh-ish?
Siobhan Sharpe: Welsh-ish doesn't quite work does it? Not happy with that..
Ian Fletcher: Problem?
Derek Fairweather: If Wales have a referendum they are welcome to Wales
Simon Harwood: Just sheep, no oil. Only mountains no oil.
Ian Fletcher: Any army to speak of ?
Tracey Pritchard: Plenty of coal
Siobhan Sharpe: Well it is there obviously, burns wonderful. Now that the ozone layer is shrinking lets dig again.
Ian Fletcher: Do they have nuclear power? Can someone find out if they have nuclear submarines?
Siobhan Sharpe: Okay Ian I'll check their facebook page
Simon Harwood: Still no oil. Except in fish.
Ian Fletcher: Right
Siobhna Sharpe: ish ish dish pish fish
David Wilkes: I love fish...but not from Spanish trawlers
Derek Fairweather: ish is in Spanish and Swedish. Are we related in any way?
Lucy Freeman: Anyone with -ish are now British.
Simon Harwood: As a policy or rule not sure which but when we shake your hand inevitably we'll be superior to you, grow distant and then fall foul of you. It's the new les miserables
Ian Fletcher: Well I wouldn't sell gentlemanly conduct in quite those loose terms.
Simon Harwood: I think we don't have to..it's not on the curriculum
Derek Fairweather: We sold it and left it to rot. Do you get me? That's what.
Tracey Pritchard: Isn't that modern technology all over?
David Wilkes: I never answer emails and my connection is rubbish
Tracey Pritchard: No wonder
Derek Fairweather: I've got time shares on the Costa Del Sol. Who wants in?
Siobhan Sharpe: We import decent Swedish stroke Danish TV & IKEA? Flat pack Britain
David Wilkes: And ABBA too. I've seen Mamma Mia three times.
ian Fletcher: Right, not the film? Understandable..not that I've seen it
Simon Harwood: All three of those are in Britain so it means they're british. Including Gibraltar.
Ian Fletcher: Like the Cornish
Siobhan Sharpe: Mamma Mia! Here I am. My, my how can I resist you...Ian
Tracey Pritchard: But they're not English? I should know I'm a Celt. And we've already done an episode on someone from Somerset.
Simon Harwood: Like the Scots and Irish
Ian Fletcher: Neither are we Scottish or Irish
Tracey Pritchard: Speak for yourself. I'm Welsh and I will sing our praises
Derek Fairweather: No please don't. Not in my Taxi.
Ian Fletcher: This is confusing
David Wilkes: What about Kurdish?
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool. United Kurds could be the new UK
Ian Fletcher: They're British?
Simon Harwood: Once we re-arm the kurds and they stake a claim for an independent nation..
Ian Fletcher: Then we'll let Turkey into Europe?
David Wilkes: Turkish - see it works too
Simon Harwood: Fabulous. They're not in Europe..look it up it's Asia.
Siobhan Sharpe: Britain has just extended it's borders people. Get in!
Derek Fairweather: And form a queue! Do you get me?
Ian Fletcher: Right
Simon Harwood: Do you think Thatcher would of had an exclusion zone..of Europe? Who can tell? We are the sign of the times..and it's our time to set sail. But there's no trade winds. Very odd.
David Wilkes: Borderline Madonna! She was sooo sexy..in the 80's. She pushed my love over the borderline on a fair few occasions. I'm now on shuffle.
Tracey Pritchard: You are borderline and you've always been on shuffle
Derek Fairweather: Are you sexing up Britains barriers? Cos we ain't got none. They only appear at Leicester Square Premieres or in the London Marathon.
Simon Harwood: This is not a film there's no lines to speak of..and Rio's two years away
Ian Fletcher: Can we co-ordinate people barriers?
Simon Harwood: Not in time for Christmas..think laterally Ian. Not literally.
Tracey Pritchard: I'm cancelling my holidays to Turkey
Lucy Freeman: In ten years who knows what the outcome will be
Derek Fairweather: Considering how the last ten years have gone, pretty much the same in the future too from what I've seen. If we keep meddling within a melting pot and our pot has been boiling over for years. Goldilocks ain't gonna find her porridge anymore. Do you get me? I said it was too hot in that sun.
Ian Fletcher: Skirmish is not the word then?
Siobhan Sharpe: Jewish is. Cool.
Tracey Pritchard: I don't want to be funny Siobhan. But you can get seriously ill these days from cracking a joke.
Lucy Freeman: Jewish is still British
Simon Harwood: Unfortunately we are building in occupied territories and It's a backlash and everyone gets whipped once in a while..
Derek Fairweather: Jesus did
Siobhan Sharpe: Did we use to own Palestine but swapped it for Greece by mistake?
David Wilkes: Hummus isn't a good move..I'm not sure I like the taste. Even though I'm middle class
Lucy Freeman: Hamas..is not the way forward. Free Palestine..but with peaceful methods
Tracey Pritchard: Israel is in Europe..that means were still in Europe. But only in the Eurovision song contest..? Maybe we should all join up. At least we'd get more points.
David Wilkes: Does it mean Britain has a new Tax haven country and not now in the Canaries?
Derek Fairweather: No. It means we have mean canaries taking over
Ian Fletcher: Taking flight? I'm not sure who, what or where this has gone
Tracey Pritchard: I'm booking my hols to the Canary Islands next they're Spanish.
Lucy Freeman: Anyone for a no fly zone?
Derek Fairweather: Come to think of it don't we end up giving weapons to people who inevitably shoot back at us? Do you get me?
Simon Harwood: Arms exporters..keeps the World Wars ticking along
Lucy Freeman: Ian I think you need a Demilitarilised Zone
Tracey Pritchard: Like East and West Germany back in the good old days
David Wilkes: Like Corea
Lucy Freeman: That's one in your eye. You mean Korea
Siobhan Sharpe: Put M.A.S.H on my plate Hawkeye
David Wilkes: No. I meant Corea. I love history and I'm sticking to Marco Polo's version
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool. Dig in there. The MP version of Mash Potato
Derek Fairweather: The spuds of the NHS between North Hounslow & South? With bad communication rife between hospitals the management, doctors and consultants. Surely a clear exchange using an email would work. My Doctor keeps waiting for letters to arrive
David Wilkes: My Mother keeps waiting for letters to arrive..she has no computer. And when she calls there's only an ansaphone service. I've had to print off NHS direct and I've had to use reams of paper.
Simon Harwood: Well lets not discuss the privatisation of cleaners and catering staff. Lets not give anyone a bad name. Outsourcing..business speak is full of clever words for short cuts.
Derek Fairweather: I wouldn't trust them with a super bug.
Ian Fletcher: A no-mans land can we promote that?
Tracey Pritchard: That's now known as a Buffer zone.
Ian Fletcher: Buffering?
Derek Fairweather: Slow internet mate absolutely ridiculous.
David Wilkes: I definitely need buffering.
Ian Fletcher: What?
David Wilkes: I'm forever of hold at the weekends. More people are on Wifi and I've decided to have a weekend away
Ian Fletcher: Really? Any where nice?
David Wilkes: Away from the computer and my Samsung iphone. A walk in the country where there's no connection. Hyde Park. It's relaxing.
Lucy Freeman: I think something along the lines of a police amnesty would do it. An army amnesty. Fill skip loads of hardware. Then let them fight with just bare hands
Derek Fairweather: On Black Ops
Lucy Freeman: At least video games would be seen as a cure all
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool. Xbox Controller Joysticks. Cool!
Ian Fletcher: I think I'm getting the hand of neo-politics. Should I go for neo-liberalism or neo-conservatism?
Simon Harwood: The only difference is a military one..I think
Lucy Freeman: It's the wrong way round
Siobhan Sharpe: Like finding neo
David Wilkes: Or finding nemo
Siobhan Sharpe: That's my point and we all know the key maker is hard to get in the matrix and sharks are never that friendly
Lucy Freeman: Lets share out the wealth in this country equally otherwise some propaganda euro sceptic politics will start showing how much more per capita is spent in Scotland than the SE
Ian Fletcher: Is that possible?
Lucy Freeman: Well there's 6 million people in Scotland and 6million in London and we all know London is a separate entity entirely.
Ian Fletcher: Like the capital?
Lucy Freeman: Exactly
David Wilkes: Like when you realise in America New York is not the whole of America?
Siobhan Sharpe: But would be kinda super cool if it was
David Wilkes: And it's not even the capital of America
Ian Fletcher: What is?
David Wilkes: A
Siobhan Sharpe: It's not, it's U
David Wilkes: USA. It has three capitals UTAH
Lucy Freeman: That's four
Siobhan Sharpe: The UK has only two. Duh!
Ian Fletcher: Pardon? Where's the second?
Simon Harwood: Beijing
Ian Fletcher: Don't quite follow..go on
Tracey Pritchard: That's the GB bit
David Wilkes: Plan B
Ian Fletcher: Right
Lucy Freeman: Who's G? This is silly
Siobhna Sharpe: Gerry Halliwel?
David Wilkes: Kenny G?
Simon Harwood: Greater Beijing of Britain
Ian Fletcher: Is an investment toward...?
Simon Harwood: Communism
Siobhan Sharpe: G-string Britain on a shoestring
David Wilkes: I loved watching Love Island.
Tracey Pritchard: That's random. And you learnt all your geography from the wingnuts on there?
Derek Fairweather: Most people in London live in £30million pound houses that they sell to rich oil tycoons. There's a statement of fact do you get me?
Siobhan Sharpe: That's totally random coming from a Cabbie..do you live in Chelsea?
Derek Fairweather: No Fitzrovia and I may vacate to the USA. I don't want to pay a 50% tax in this country.
Lucy Freeman: That's an over generalisation. A small percentage sell to the old communist bloc and to Saudi's who were once our friends..
Simon Harwood: But now seem to be paying to crazy people?
Siobhan Sharpe: Who have never seen Scooby doo.
 |
| Welcome to the land of the Evil Dead |
Simon Harwood: It's one for the Mystery van but I wouldn't watch their TV channels in Saudi if i were you
Derek Fairweather: It's Halloween every night. You're right there mate. No ones jamming their satellite dishes do you get me?
Tracey Pritchard: No one is saved really are they
Simon Harwood: That's why you can't drink or have decent entertainment there
Lucy Freeman: Well at least you can sell your house for 30 million and not pay tax..
Ian Fletcher: ..in Britain?
Derek Fairweather: So long as the top wealthiest 1% own 50% of the worlds wealth then we are always going to..
Simon Harwood: Kick ourselves. I really like pauses...makes one think
Derek Fairweather: Did we have an Empire? Giving up on Hong Kong that was a jewel
Siobhan Sharpe: Hong Kong Phooey
 | |||
| Man these wiki leaks are astoundingly cool...or is it how to solve a Rubik's cube |
Ian Fletcher: You mean India
David Wilkes: Jewel of the Nile. Agatha Christie
Simon Harwood: Like Peking duck back in the good old days..
Derek Fairweather: When the beeb was in White City
Tracey Pritchard: I think that's what UKIP wants London to be
Lucy Freeman: Now politics has become a parody
Ian Fletcher: Mmm. Lacking pathos?
Simon Harwood: Written by Johnny Speight?
Lucy Freeman: Do you mean people got the joke of Alf Garnett or do you mean people are becoming Alf Garnett?
Simon Harwood: Mmm not sure. Don't know lets see if we put a massive photo up in the BBC of Warren Mitchell as Alf Garnett
 |
| Documentary Social Satire or DSS for short aka being on the dole |
Ian Fletcher: In Sickness and in Health..
David Wilkes: That's the NHS
Simon Harwood: Til Death us do Part..
Lucy Freeman: And remake Alf Garnett?! You're not serious
Derek Fairweather: With Farage...in fact with all the publicity the BBC give the guy I think it's being made as we speak. Do you get me?
Simon Harwood: Where fiction and reality meet
Tracey Pritchard: I thought that was ITV?
Siobhan Sharpe: Through the keyhole..of Britain
Simon Harwood: So long as the kids vote and listen to their own headsets and not Brand Russell we may yet deliver the revolution he seeks.
Lucy Freeman: Politicians need to act during their term of office and not just seen to be doing something when it's six months away from an election.
Derek Fairweather: They are all actors
Siobhan Sharpe: It's a method, acting with a thick skin and talking with no adjectives
Simon Harwood: Can politics truely be independently minded without prejudice and political bias?
Ian Fletcher: Did Scotland have open and fair non partisan opinions?
Derek Fairweather: Especially on the street?! Do me a favour! I'm not a Glaswegian Taxi driver you know do you get me do you?
Trtacey Pritchard: At least Dundee are The People's Friend with Glasgow
Siobhna Sharpe: Exactly D&G works again! Cool. Two cities can be independent like the Vatican
David Wilkes: Is Alex Salmond going to be Pope?
Tracey Pritchard: And the Royal Bank of Scotland are still heading south
Ian Fletcher: With 160 billion pounds of debt?
Derek Fairweather: Of tax payers money to Antarctica and one hell of a fine for influencing the currency markets with Barclays and HSBC for all the Government cares. I read the FT do you get me?
Ian Fletcher: Well I'm sure George Osborne reads the same papers
David Wilkes: Are the BBC still allowed back in to Scotland?
Tracey Pritchard: Sometimes it is as cold as Antarctica in Scotland
Derek Fairweather: It is in the Shetlands
Lucy Freeman: They did a good deal with the oil companies kind of rented out their lands and everyones in the money. Quarter of a million each for the population
Simon Harwood: Of course it only works if there's less of you.
Ian Fletcher: Right. Capitalism
Derek Fairweather: Top tips thank you..I'm now moving to the Shetland Isles then the Canaries
Lucy Freeman: So what you're saying is with 16-17 year olds voting Yes they are most likely do a re-run?
Simon Harwood: Strangely the most important part was Cameron wanted votes for England. How very considerate of the man
Ian Fletcher: Okay. So Scotland lost and we won?
Simon Harwood: All because of the BBC
David Wilkes: I distinctly remember everyone agreeing with David Bowie at the Brit Awards. I told you he was danger
Siobhna Sharpe: He's gone all trad Jazz now
David Wilkes: Funky soul! Sue..but I've still got the next day to listen to it. Upload pretty things instead
Ian Fletcher: Look can we off set the trillion and a half..by the next election?
David Wilkes: It's not as bad as having a Canadian looking after the Bank of England.
Ian Fletcher: Haven't you read the economist?
David Wilkes: Not while I'm surfing the net I'm busy..finding the next youtube clip
Derek Fairweather: Even if the wifi speed is 5mph. We will sink with Europe unless we bail out. Do you get me?
Ian Fletcher: So the newspapers keep saying.
Derek Fairweather: Listen mate until Greece, Spain and Italy adopt a German or British way of banking we ain't gonna get anywhere.
Simon Harwood: Or Canada's
Ian Fletcher: Well they can join us instead
Lucy Freeman: A new British vision?
Siobhan Sharpe: Ok sounds cool how do we tune in?
Derek Fairweather: A new British League of Nations
Ian Fletcher: I see
Simon Harwood: Premier league..you can't let anyone poor in
Ian Fletcher: Right..like the G20
Derek Fairweather: Name a nation that needs help?
Simon Harwood: Easy question but lets not talk sense.
Tracey Pritchard: There's plenty..including us
David Wilkes: I know one. The NHS? That's a country. It has a GDP
Ian Fletcher: Should we invest more in the NHS?
Lucy Freeman: Spend £100 billion on it and borrow £100 billion
Simon Harwood: That works
Lucy Freeman: We've done this bit they need an extra 20 billion
Derek Fairweather: Actually just ban everyone who is over the alcohol limit. That would give the NHS a break on most nights and not just repeated on a friday do you get me?
Ian Fletcher: And then transfer the money saved...
Lucy Freeman: On re-opening manned Police desks, Care Homes, Libraries, Art facilities..?
Derek Fairweather: Not in Birmingham or Cornwall. No ones bothered. They'd rather get the Foo Fighters to stage a concert using crowd funding and raise £200,000.
Simon Harwood: Ingenious endeavours of the young
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool For a 2 hour concert. Lets burn that money..brill
Tracey Pritchard: Two hours is a long time when you're young
Ian Fletcher: Right
David Wilkes: I've got one of their albums on my ipod..hold on let me find it a minute. Damn. American rock always sounds the same. Hold on I've got Go Go music...put this in your stereo Cabbie. I've got the connection leads..I'll watch it on my samsung
Derek Fairweather: Alright lets party..people. Loving it. Do you get me? Do you?
David Wilkes: DC it's got groove..
Tracey Pritchard: The poor will be poor but we sure know how to crowd surf
Ian Fletcher: In Magaluf?
Derek Fairweather. It's not our fault ? They're poor.
Simon Harwood: They're poor. It's not our fault. Either way it's a good reason as any.
Ian Fletcher: Well obviously money would help
Lucy Freeman: By making poor choices?
Derek Fairweather: I'd rather spend £200,000 and pay James Blunt, Ed Sheeran and the Script not to sing. I mean do you get that anyone?
Simon Harwood: If you need proof that there's still money to waste then there's your answer
David Wilkes: lts a fault in the stars that they are..
Derek Fairweather: S***.
Siobhan Sharpe: It's a charade..but I like Paolo Nutini he's Scottish
Tracey Pritchard: People play charades all the time with other peoples music tastes it's disgusting
...
Siobhan Sharpe: Blah blah blah build more houses on greenbelts blah blah blah GP's seven days a week blah blah blah
Tracey Pritchard: Cameron's down with the kids on a facebook page yawn yawn yawn
Ian Fletcher: I don't think Cameron actually writes it
Simon Harwood: Oh you'd be surprised
Derek Fairweather: Blairs is a vanity project. Advertising to be a do gooder to you know open an umbrella to hide all the war crime stuff he's done. Which in a way reminds me of another marathon charity fundraiser hiding under a pretence. Do you get me?
Simon Harwood: You can't jail a crook on a charge of crimes against humanity but you can condemn a guilty dead man...
Lucy Freeman: An agenda of an agenda..
Ian Fletcher: And the evidence?
Simon Harwood: They're still burying it even though it's all out in the open
Derek Fairweather: I'm always writing comment clips on facebook. It's not like 'Points of view' with Barry Took these days though. It's an online throwaway magazine do you get this?
Lucy Freeman: Can you imagine what that would of been like under Thatcher?
Derek Fairweather: Yeah a dumb facebook page and lots of people's comments unilaterally being ignored.
Simon Harwood: A bit like the electorate then..no wonder we have a coalition of the unwilling
Tracey Pritchard: Exactly
Ian Fletcher: Should we hastily pigeon hole. Are you saying the electorate are dumb? People do know a thing or two
David Wilkes: Sorry couldn't hear you I've got my iphone turned right up and was listening to John Lennons Working Class Hero
Simon Harwood: Fear now is ironic but still true but with a 60 inch flat screen TV while watching Strictly
Derek Fairweather: And Babestation..in 3D! Do you get me?
David Wilkes: Curved too! Now that is a smart TV
Ian Fletcher: How smart are the people again?
Tracey Pritchard: Still smarting by the looks of things
David Wilkes: I like smarties. Blue ones are my favourite but I'm sure they tasted sweeter when it was the good old days.
Simon Harwood: An Inclusive policy is inconclusive up to a point
Ian Fletcher: Is that conclusive?
Tracey Pritchard: Like a trade policy being dictated to by multinationals
Simon Harwood: Privateering..it's all the rage. Who is Lord John Silver?
Derek Fairweather: One year of privatisation of the forty year old GPO the first class stamp is over priced with a very very young queen and we need GPS to locate our parcels. Do you get it? I bought shares
Ian Fletcher: Okay so companies could be more efficient is that what you mean? Or are some country's mismanaging funds?
Lucy Freeman: By hiking costs
Derek Fairweather: By importing cheap labour that's how
David Wilkes: GPS...Greece, Portugal and Spain are young
Ian Fletcher: Mismanaging euro funds?
Simon Harwood: Will the young ever learn proper economics of scale
Derek Fairweather: Look 250,000 EU migrants here sounds like a D-Day of a year and we need more refugee tents with Sky TV. Tag 'em all. It's easy. Tag everyone who enters Britain. The more I say Electronic Tag the more politicians jump on the bandwagon. Do you?
Simon Harwood: Then we wouldn't lose 50,000
Ian Fletcher: That is a loss.
Lucy Freeman: 20billion of Tax to pay towards the NHS.
Siobhan Sharpe: Is that every year or over ten years they contributed that?
Simon Harwood: They did help pay for the two wars..
Derek Fairweather: And are they all CRB checked?
Simon Harwood: And hold no criminal records...we don't want anyone who's been expelled from school. Luckily all the european police give our border guards access to all that information for free.
Tracey Pritchard: It's a dodgy PR exercise.
Derek Fairweather: You mean Peterborough and Rotherham?
Simon Harwood: Well one town is Polish so were friends there
Lucy Freeman: English, Lithuanian and German too by the way
Derek Fairweather: For one thing the birth rate is sky high. Do you get me? Polish women cook your favourite meal are polite and don't binge drink. They remember your birthday and ask you how your day has been and smile a lot even after a glass or two of vodka.
Ian Fletcher: Yes er friendly is a positive step.
Tracey Pritchard: A step toward what? You're obviously not married Ian.
Siobhna Sharpe: Can I try Polish Vodka next...
Derek Fairweather: It is positive. My brother has a polish wife from Gdansk.
Ian Fletcher: Oh where does he live?
Derek Fairweather: Poland
Ian Fletcher: Really?
Derek Fairweather: No. I was only kidding. Do you get me do you get me? He lives in Brighton
...
Simon Harwood: Cameron he's always stroking the NHS
Derek Fairweather: Making her Purr in fact
David Wilkes: Like Cat Deeley?
Derek Fairweather: Look it's the only policy he's got left
Pracety Pritchard: Or right
Derek Fairweather: I'd like to make Cat Deeley my policy..do you get me?
Siobhan Sharpe: We need a green cross code? We have to know how to cross safely
Ian Fletcher: To get to the other side of..what exactly?
Lucy Freeman: Ukip when crossing the road...in 84. Sorry I mean 84 years ago in the 1930's
Ian Fletcher: Yes, well Austerity of the 30's kind of threw up a load of crazy voting
Simon Harwood: I knew we were out of the 20's already no vorticists here
Siobhan Sharpe: Blast!
Ian Fletcher: By selling and I mean this is the most practical terms..sell Erasemus not only for Europe but sell as a promotion Worldwide too?
Simon Harwood: No that would add to the overpopulation of this world. But I'm not French
David Wilkes: How about setting up a World wide Bingo?! Tra la la tra al la la
Tracey Pritchard: Whoever wins has to pay the debt
Siobhan Sharpe: Spin that wheel and split the takings one banana two banana easy..
Ian Fletcher: It's not a wheel Siobhan they use balls..
Siobhan Sharpe: Wicked!
Derek Fairweather: Would be better if we did A World Lottery and let the world pay off our debt. Do you get me?
David Wilkes: By the end of the year we'll pay it all back simples
Ian Fletcher: How are we still going again..?
Lucy Freeman: By getting into more debt
Siobhna Sharpe: Lets make loom bands and pay our way in them instead of gilts
Tracey Pritchard: Where's the justice in that?
Lucy Freeman: In South Africa
Ian Fletcher: Pardon?
Simon Harwood: Not guilty my lord
Ian Fletcher: By fair due process?
Derek Fairweather: Gilt free and the judge makes all the decisions
Ian Fletcher: From who?
Simon Harwood: Not having a jury
Ian Fletcher: Oh
Tracey Pritchard: Well that's justice for you
Derek Fairweather: Judge Dredd..then years out and about
Simon Harwood: Like the Warren commission
Ian Fletcher: Oh? Is there a connection
Lucy Freeman: How Hickey can you get just to sell a story
Siomn Harwood: Just a concoction
Tracery Pritchard: Making up a story?
Ian Fletcher: Right stories good. But..bad
Siobhan Sharpe: It's a different kind of love bite..Ian
Simon Harwood: Coming from Department 13 it's bound to be
Lucy Freeman: And that's when the reds win
David Wilkes: I like red
Derek Fairweather: With our pants down literally
Lucy Freeman: And not just Kennedy's
Ian Fletcher: Is this a need to know basis or is there any basis of fact here?
Simon Harwood: Kennedy's Dad knew the mob..he may of been ill but he could still make a phone call
Siobhan Sharpe: To The Ant Hill Mob from Wacky Races..Chugga Boom!
 |
| Chugga Boom! |
David Wilkes: Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby!
Tracey Pritchard: Dum Dum...people trying to sound sincere by making you learn something you already know. The world is ignorant otherwise events wouldn't be a surprise like landing a 1.7 billion bill from Europe
Simon Harwood: Answer..Yak Yak...satirical comedy? Penalty to pay for doing well
Ian Fletcher: The Lavender Hill Mob is the only reference I know
Derek Fairweather: That lad from the Kaiser Chiefs has he had plastic surgery done?
Lucy Freeman: No he was out of the limelight for five years before the Voice and got fit
Simon Harwood: Like Renee Zellweger..
Derek Fairweather: She's still a cat even if her eyes..you know look different
Lucy Freeman: Do you need glasses? I think there's something wrong with your eyes
Derek Fairweather: No. Contacts
Lucy Freeman: Lets hope Renee Zellweger doesn't get in your Taxi. Women grow older like Jim Carrey. Get over it
Derek Fairweather: Older like Mickey Rourke luv? Looks different in Sin City to me but then nine and a half weeks is nearly 30 years old. Kim Basinger is still hot though
David Wilkes: Well Brad Pit looks younger on his Fury poster. I mean he has no baggy eyes
Simon Harwood: That's photoshop for you.
Lucy Freeman: Eye bags were added in Babel
David Wilkes: In Fury I was mostly looking at his eyes. Or was it in Inglorious Basterds..everything else was like hell. But then I did watch it on Halloween
Derek Fairweather: That's Europe for you. And we are an Island. Do you get me?
Lucy Freeman: It was filmed in Britain.
Simon Harwood: Came out just in time for the 25th anniversary of the Berlin wall coming down
Ian Fletcher: Is that good timing?
David Wilkes: Ideas are peaceful..history is violent. Did you like my impression?
Derek Fairweather: Stealing a plot line from Saving Private Ryan by using a typist to experience war
Ian Fletcher: Ernest Hemingway?
Lucy Freeman: War is violent..My Dad worked on the railways all his life and he was never violent
David Wilkes: A mirror has no heart but plenty of ideas?
Simon Heart: Good good I like that. Ideas from the heart. No place for emotions though in a modern world..they're too...emotive.
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool.
Derek Fairweather: I'm looking in the wing mirror pal and mans ideas have caused a bloody traffic jam. Do you get me...?
Siobhan Sharpe: Okay here's a thing. Where exactly did all that 'make poverty history' thing go anyway?
Simon Harwood: Simple that's history and no-one likes history. Astonishing really.
Lucy Freeman: Shame it never paid for nurses and decent hospitals in Sierra Leone
Ian Fletcher: Ebola is on the rise
Derek Fairweather: It is, it's on a plane..
Simon Harwood: Rule one. Never eat raw meat. Only on Bear Gryll's adventures...goes without saying
Derek Fairweather: I love a Hog roast..
David Wilkes: Yeah. Like it's adventurous to use a live monkey in a One Direction video?
Ian Fletcher: What?
Siobhan Sharpe: Love it..
Ian Fletcher: Okay. Advantageous? To whom ?
Simon Harwood: Not sure who to complain to really.
Derek Fairweather: I think One Direction are a bunch of Monkees.
Tracey Pritchard: I think eating horse is worse myself
Simon Harwood: Or looking at a monkey puppet drinking tea..and thinking it can really talk
 |
| Tea. Time. |
Siobhan Sharpe: Or shooting a racehorse..I'm hungry
Ian Fletcher: For going slow? I don't think they do that here. Do they?
Derek Fairweather: I'm hungry too all this talk of oats...
Tracey Pritchard: They probably shot it for going in the wrong direction.
Simon Harwood: Not for complaints obviously
David Wilkes: Oh look I think we've just arrived in Salford
Simon Harwood: We haven't it's still London. Concrete cold and wet looks the same wherever you go
David Wilkes: Such a long journey to get here
Tracey Pritchard: Remember to wash your hands
Simon Harwood: And no kiss greetings
Ian Fletcher: Ok
Lucy Freeman: That's sexist anyway
Ian Fletcher: Right
Derek Fairweather: And too European
Ian Fletcher: It's not always on both cheeks
Derek Fairweather: Depends what kind of cheeks..do you get me? Do you?
David Wilkes: Can we still wave to eachother?
Ian Fletcher: Yes
Siobhan Sharpe: But no winking..?
David Wilkes: Wink, wink
 |
| the odd couple |
Lucy Freeman: That's flirting
Ian Fletcher: Maybe not at work..
Simon Harwood: You'll be put before a tribunal
Ian Fletcher: I'm so glad it's not the 70's anymore
Tracey Pritchard: I don't want to be negative..but can you take out your ipod now David
David Wilkes: What? Okay..I've got just London Grammar to play on my samsung iphone at the end
Lucy Freeman: Why did you have two things plugged in your ear. I mean you can play youtube clips on your iphone and not bother with the ipod...we had ipads.
David Wilkes: I know but I was busy writing up a blog as we speak and I got confused about the jams
Daniel Radcliffe: I'm 'bout that jam. You guys have been stuck here for ages. I'll keep you entertained a little while longer
Ian Fletcher: Thank you Daniel -but we'd rather get out of the Cab
David Wilkes: This...it's soo RAD
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool!
Tracey Pritchard: At least someone knows there ABC's
Daniel Radcliffe: Thank you. Dynamo's close by he could do a few Illusions for you
Ian Fletcher: Yes. Thank you. Like I said we'd rather get out now. I've had enough of an Illusion as it is
Daniel Radcliffe: Suit yourself..
David Wilkes: That was clever..he's been in New York all this time. How did he get here.
Dynamo: Illusion mate
Simon Harwood: He's rather good in the Cripple of Inishmaan. Felt bad about not giving him a standing ovation but it was mostly women who stood up and I'm a gentleman..so I sat down
Ian Fletcher: We may have to confiscate your ipod David. The internet is addictive enough as it is
Derek Fairweather: And I've got a gambling debt to settle with Barbara Windsor
Tracey Pritchard: At least they banned mobile phones & ipods in schools
Derek Fairweather: I had my Strongbrew confiscated..but I think the teachers used to smoke my cigarettes they took off me too
Lucy Freeman: How old were you?
Derek Fairweather: Ten
Ian Fletcher: Ah..not good. Explains a few things there
David Wilkes: Yeah I had my Rubiks cube confiscated and Pannini stickers.
Derek Fairweather: The teachers knew who was in charge back in those days my friend. Do you?
Tracey Pritchard: Not the parents obviously
Simon Harwood: They always give in
Tracey Pritchard: Or give up.
Lucy Freeman: That's Christmas all over
Derek Fairweather: And that's why I always go to Jurasalem for Christmas..got to be somewhere peaceful right? Do you get me do you do you?
Simon Harwood: The winter solstice is a celebration of light in times of darkness. Cryptically speaking
Siobhan Sharpe: If it was January 25th it'd be easier to celebrate. They'd be January sales and it's boring in January and such a come down after Christmas. It would make a change
Ian Fletcher: Okay..we could hand that one over to the Archbishop
Derek Fairweather: You can't arch a Bishop in chess..you need to move diagonally. And remember the Rev handles religion otherwise we'll end up in diagonal Alley in Harry Potter land. Do you get me?
Daniel Radcliffe: YES! OKAY ALRIGHT CAN YOU STOP MENTIONING POTTER PLEASE! I STOPPED FILMING THAT 4 YEARS AGO!!
Simon Harwood: Okay..Cabbie you heard
David Wilkes: Well I don't celebrate Christmas ..it's easier and cheaper
Tracey Pritchard: The Pagan's had a certain way of enjoying the winter solstice didn't they.
Simon Harwood: Less wrapping for a start..with the holly if you know what I mean
Tracey Pritchard: Like a fertile summer. Keeping you warm in winter
David Wilkes: No wonder we put the clocks back
Ian Fletcher: We had a great summer
Simon Harwood: Yes, yes the weather was perfect
Tracey Pritchard: Four months of sun
Lucy Freeman: No rain to speak of
David Wilkes: Glorious
Derek Fairweather: The best summer in years mate
Ian Fletcher: Quite
...
 |
| Taxi! |
Simon Harwood: Cabbie we may want a return fare
Derek Fairweather: Okay most fairs arrive in the summer. I'm fair weather do you get me, do you, do you, do you get me? Hey hey!
Ian Fletcher: Quite..understandable.
David Wilkes: Subway was only a ten minute walk away
Simon Harwood: That's traffic jams for you
Siobhan Sharpe: I thought we got into a taxi because it was raining
Simon Harwood: Bring an umbrella next time it'll be quicker
Ian Fletcher: I think we got in a Taxi because someone was drunk
Tracey Pritchard: I'm glad for a lunchtime chat
David Wilkes: Over the whole summer? I'm starving
Ian Fletcher: Oh.. what do you fancy?
David Wilkes: Monkey nuts and Lorde
Derek Fairweather: Good Lord. I'm having horse. Do you get me ? Do you?
Ian Fletcher: Yes thank you Cabbie
Simon Harwood: I'm having Jaffa cakes..they're Turkish now you know. Still British
David Wilkes: You had them all that time?
Tracey Pritchard: God I love Jaffa cakes. I bet they're really warm now. A nice Danish bacon sandwich beforehand would be better.
David Wilkes: I've got sparklers..
Tracey Pritchard: Prepare to run away
Siobhan Sharpe: Who wants a bag of KP crisps out of the snack machine?
Tracey Pritchard: Not me. They're German. Not British
Simon Harwood: C'mon Ian we've got the head of MI5 to interview
Ian Fletcher: What?
Simon Harwood: Sorry Ian got that wrong
Ian Fletcher: Oh?
Simon Harwood: He wants to interview you.
Ian Fletcher: Really? Not sure if this is...
Simon Harwood: Understandable..overwhelming I know
Ian Fletcher: Yes it is a shock. I thought it was the Foreign Office
Lucy Freeman: Well it is foreign at the moment but you'll soon integrate
Simon Harwood: That's an F.O. initial and we can't explain it's meaning
Siobhan Sharpe: Cool. Shock and Awe..I'm applying with you too
Simon Harwood: Here's your CV - Core Values
Ian Fletcher: Right ok
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