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| The future is Burgundy |
THE HIGH FIVES
Champ: Hey Ron do you know how much memory this internet is using?
Ron: Nope!
Fantana: Here's the deal. The more stuff you put on line...
Ron: The more you have to look at?!
Fantana: The more data storage facilities they have to build
Champ: Mega server mainframes too
Fantana: We're talking not just about a huge room like...
Champ: 'The big iron'
Brick: I'm the The Iron Man...
Veronica: ...and Man feigns a womb
Fantana: Crazy, football size stadiums of this stuff
Ron: Sounds like a crazy whole lotta electricity usage...
Veronica: Well I did read on the internet that they off-set their carbon footprint
Ron: By walking instead of using gas guzzling cars?
Fantana: Have you seen Detroit lately?!
Champ: Like I said man, don't believe everything you read on the net
Ron: Why, you'd use good 'ol Nuclear Energy right? Three Mile Island was
just a blip...what else can go wrong?
Fantana: Why do you think the arms race is over
Ron: The arms race is over?
Champ: They need nuclear energy more than ever now
Fantana: Those in the know, know, you know
Ron: Well, I hope nobody sends blueprints of this Nuke stuff on the 'internet'.
That would be un-american. And very, very stupid.
Veronica: Shall I do the lowdown on state secrets?
Brick: Blancmange in Ecuador
Champ: We're listening to you...all-lies of Europe
Fantana: But get this. Once it's written down...
Champ: It's like used like some sorta evidence thing...
Veronica: The law loves print. It's like the Spanish Inquisition
Ron: I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition?!
Monty Python Team: “NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!”
Champ: Whammy!?
Fantana: Yeah, Witch-hunts and everything...
Champ: Like George Orwell's Big Brother...constantly on leisure time
Brick: It's the All Seeing Eye
Ron: Hold up team. All Power..Information..Knowledge and Technology..
is monopolized?
Fantana: Governments love this stuff. Do you know what they call it
Ron: P.I.K.T. ?
Champ: They call it the eye-cloud
Brick: I met Chani in a cloud
Ron slash Champ slash Veronica slash Fantana: In a crowd Brick, you mean
you met her in a crowd
Brick: No, it was definitely a cloud.
Veronica: Oh
Brick: See, here's the photo
Fantana: That must be like 20,000ft up
Champ: Are you serious?
Ron: He is. It's Cirrus..thin whispy cloud
Champ: Oh yeah, I see. 100ASA film taken with a Single Lens Reflex camera
right
Ron: !! Thanks, Champ !! Say, remind me who invented the SLR?
Champ: Thomas Sutton...a brit and not a double-barrelled name in sight!
Veronica: (holding the photo) I can see an Airplane in the sky
Mel Brooks: Here let me enlarge that photo a little for you
Ron: Well, now that it's the size of a very TALL building I can see clearly now
...after my accident. I had high anxiety then too...I curve balled that one in!
Fantana: What do you see?
Ron: Leslie Nielson in Airplane?!
Veronica: Surely you're not serious?
Leslie Nielson: Of course he's serious...and don't call me Shirley
Veronica: Are you in heaven?
Leslie Nielson: I can't tell...the foods awful
Brick: I had lasagne too!
Veronica: You can tell me. I'm a reporter
Leslie Nielson: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Veronica: Well, can't you take a guess?
Leslie Nielson: Not, well for another couple of hours
Veronica: You can't take another guess for at least another couple of hours?
Leslie Nielson: Can you fly this plane and land it?
Veronica: Surely you can't be serious
Leslie Nielson: I am serious and stop calling me Shirley
Walter: Hey this guy was in the 4.0 Part. How come he's here again!?
Leslie Nielson: You can use me as many four times as you like. It relieves the
high anxiety on this plane and boy you just didn't listen the first time. I'm here
because I'm FUNNY kid! Do you see these eyes I laugh through them, do you
see this delivery it's a deadpan look and this planes a charter flight it's cheap
but I like expensive clothes and a good scotch brandy and regal lager when
I'm home ...now if you don't mind I've got to find a pilot.
but I like expensive clothes and a good scotch brandy and regal lager when
I'm home ...now if you don't mind I've got to find a pilot.
Champ: How did you get that high Brick?
Veronica: Have you been using the Banda duplicator machine again?
Fantana slash Veronica: Ditto slash ditto!
There was a time before a land of make believe when the Banda duplicator
machines reigned supreme in the schools, Veronica had a sweet smell of
success and the whole class loved to copier. This was a time when teachers
knew nothing and told you everything; when you could go to the chimney
stack staff room and get a waft of smoke worth flavouring. When the School
Library was like the Library of Alexandria and thankfully that got burned
too and saved onto hard drives the size of Montana and as high as the
mountains in IOWA (the uppercase state with it's 'mountains' of cornfields!)
success and the whole class loved to copier. This was a time when teachers
knew nothing and told you everything; when you could go to the chimney
stack staff room and get a waft of smoke worth flavouring. When the School
Library was like the Library of Alexandria and thankfully that got burned
too and saved onto hard drives the size of Montana and as high as the
mountains in IOWA (the uppercase state with it's 'mountains' of cornfields!)
When slash and burn was just lighting a field and running away. When society
could tell right from wrong and put it in a song. When Ghandi and Mother
Teresa were angels and not just a flight of fancy like Dorothy. In other words
humanity is doomed just as it was before except this time we can showoff
about it.....but damn it don't we look good on a selfie!
Teresa were angels and not just a flight of fancy like Dorothy. In other words
humanity is doomed just as it was before except this time we can showoff
about it.....but damn it don't we look good on a selfie!
Veronica: Didn't Julias Caesar burn Alexandria down?
Ron: Who is this guy from the NBA?
Champ: Is he another Brit?
Julias Caesar: And thankfully they got burned too...
Ron: Say, who brought print to that overvalued nation
Fantana slash Brick slash Veronica: William Caxton!
Brick: PRINT that everyone lower print upper PRINT lower print upper
UPPER CASE and lower lower case. I love...font
................
................
(A Brits Mansion house): Letter visuals - UPPERCASE FOR THE RICH
(A Brit Poor house): Poor person holding a placard 'lowercase for the poor'
Monty Python Team : This is a court of law for the case for uppers and the
case for downers
CUE MONTY PYTHON SKETCH: Breaking news is as good as any old news
Judge Cleese: Right! I am Judge I have a wig, look at at it see it on top of my
head wig (slaps an owl a ref to Hedwig from Harry Potter) In my court room
everyone is guilty and not guilt free! What task do we have today
head wig (slaps an owl a ref to Hedwig from Harry Potter) In my court room
everyone is guilty and not guilt free! What task do we have today
Barrister Palin: It's the upper case for the rich & the lower case for the poor
me'lord
me'lord
Judge Cleese: Can't we do it on the same level
Barrister Palin: Figment of speech m'lord they are on the same level but not
on the same plane
on the same plane
Judge Cleese: Ahh yes...let's fly with that one. Bring the defendants forward
poor man: i am a lower case m'laud
Judge Cleese: Yes speak up speak up down there
RICH MAN: AND I AM UPPERCASE MY LORD
Judge Cleese : Yes that's better much more in tune to the cause. Stay on the
same poor font won't you Mr Caxton don't want to waste the inks..there's a
good chap.
same poor font won't you Mr Caxton don't want to waste the inks..there's a
good chap.
William Caxton: Or the links...
poor man: i'm a downer sir i know because i'm too poor to look up
Judge Cleese: And is UP very far?
poor man: to heaven me'laud..
Judge Cleese: Good answer
poor man: and i have humility, so i never ever have the need to
Judge Cleese: And that keeps you in your place doesn't it you poor wretch of
a man
a man
poor man: Yes (he looks up)
Barrister Palin: How dare you look up! And take an uppercase letter!
(Barrister Palin proceeds to hit poor man with a ruler)
Judge Cleese: Rules are rules and our rule is no rule goes unpunished. Now
where were we I was quite enjoying that bit of punishing wit
Barrister Palin: Rich man's cause m'lord
RICH MAN: I am an Uppercase my Lord I look down on everyone. I know because
I'm so rich to the brim of Upper Esquire
Judge Cleese: And is the brim of Upper... very full?
RICH MAN: To breaking point my Lord we're on the 2,014th floor of brim already
Judge Cleese: And the view up top, nice is it?
RICH MAN: It is your Lord ship
Judge Cleese: And below..?
RICH MAN: It's hell down there and pretty grim. But I have a good lawyer so
I never need to admit it
I never need to admit it
Barrister Palin: But you just have
RICH MAN: No I didn't....oh yes, yes let me see - ah here it is...so I did!
Lawyer: Great now wasn't the best time to do a ******** (aka Caxton edit)
(Lawyer to the RICH MAN is mown down in a hail of bullets from a Hitman)
With the letters: 'Lawyers you have been warned' (stamped across the screen)
Judge Cleese: Good good answer that's ho..
Judge Cleese: w we like to keep it and ourselves together
William Caxton: Sorry I just ran out of ink a bit there guv'nor
Judge Cleese: Can't you remember a simple re-use of letters in ink? What is it?
William Caxton: I. - N. - K. guv'
Judge Cleese: Right listen laddie I've had it up to here with you're 'I'm running
out of ink m'larky'. I can go for the black cap you know..anytime I feel the
'desire'.
'desire'.
Oooh the parchments not quite the right weight and now lets try 'paper'
and now it's all damp from you wining...you squid-headed pig foul of a poor
mother's baboon
and now it's all damp from you wining...you squid-headed pig foul of a poor
mother's baboon
William Caxton: Right I'm off
Judge Cleese: No wait we've got to finish this tirade I'll settle up after alright
just carry on I'll give you british bonds, cash, no euro's okay?
William Caxton: Mmm interest rates aren't that great but then what with
inflation on the rise and trillions in debt...I'm willing to take a gamble
especially what with the federal reserve backing down on quantative easing.
Plus I've always wanted a flat screen TV handheld thingy. I've always wanted
to say that in print and we may have to start burning money anyway it'll be
worthless soon
inflation on the rise and trillions in debt...I'm willing to take a gamble
especially what with the federal reserve backing down on quantative easing.
Plus I've always wanted a flat screen TV handheld thingy. I've always wanted
to say that in print and we may have to start burning money anyway it'll be
worthless soon
Barrister Palin: (waving the ruler) Just you watch it sonny I've got my eye on
you
Judge Cleese: Let's slash and burn...give me a candle I'm going to
burn the lot. I blame internet banking.
poor man: i have one match to last all year (Barrister hits him with a ruler)
RICH MAN: I have a Zippo lighter and a Burgundy Line cigar...i think its cuban
slash chinese? What a cheap cigar. You have it poor man
poor man: but i don't smoke
RICH MAN: I don't want you to smoke it. Eat it. No-one should have to suffer a
cheap cuban except the poor
Champ: Whammy!
Barrister Palin: It's okay m'lord we have electricity no need for candles
Judge Cleese: I said I wanted to BURN it not 'electrocute it' who's side are you
on? poorman, Rich Man, beggar man?
poorman RICH MAN & beggar man: YES, WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!
Barrister Palin: I was just merely pointing out that we are now in the
Illumination Age..and I will beat you into it you little poor man (hits poor
man again and again)
Illumination Age..and I will beat you into it you little poor man (hits poor
man again and again)
poor man: that was the Enlightenment Age
Barrister Palin: (Hitting the poor man with the ruler) Stop showing off
RICH MAN: No this is the Entitlement Age
William Caxton: No it's the Elimination Age
Barrister Palin: Without electricity we would have no artificial light...
poor man: i can't afford artificiality and i go to bed early
RICH MAN: I can afford artificiality and I can't live without it
Barrister Palin: And without binary code we would not have an electronic codex
William Caxton: Damn!
poor man: what's b-i-n-a-r-y c-o-d-e
RICH MAN: I understand maths and you are just a number
Barrister Palin: It's called the Kindle no use to write K in the ink anymore
Judge Cleese: Why?
Barrister Palin: That'd be 'Kinky'
William Caxton: I had an 'inkling' he would say that! (Crowds hurl Lord of the
Rings books at him...they are dressed like Hobbits & someone throws a Narnia
Aslan soft toy which squeaks on landing)
Judge Cleese: How do you know about me? Have you been reading my letters to
my wife in the dungeon
Barrister Palin: No m'lord you specifically told me never to tell anyone you kept
your wife in the dungeon
Judge Cleese: Lets wrap this whole charade up that's it. Case solved. I've had
enough.
enough.
Barrister Palin: I'm good with a coffee
Judge Cleese: I'm having Earl Grey. poorman, Camden Wit beverage - are YOU
writing this down Mr Caxton. Thank you. RICH MAN Earl Grey for two please
Barrister Palin: Oh what about the case m'lord
Judge Cleese: Ah yes of course that old teabag...Uppers for the downers and
Downers for the Uppers. Will that do?
Downers for the Uppers. Will that do?
Barrister Palin: Yes i think so
(Everyone nods in approval)
Judge Cleese: I thought that went rather well don't you. Right Panda musk
Team 5 back to you. I hear it's very rare....
Team 5 back to you. I hear it's very rare....
Brick: I love the aroma of Panda!
Veronica: Ditto! Musk of Panda...mmmm
Ron: I can tell you I'm feeling quite tense now. This Panda joke is going
to run and run and run
Veronica: Panda Furr...Purr!
Fantana: I hear Bamboo is great for pole dancing..
Ron: I'm soo glad I got to experience that Panda and put it out in open.
Brick: We love to swing (they are on a swing ok a proper park swing!)
Chani: We love the smell of freshly cut grass
Ron: I'm not surprised....your roof has no snow on it
Champ: The sky above the roof man!
Fantana: ...The Sky Above The Roof. Verlaine right? Girls love it. Sweet.
Brick: Haven't you ever made a wish before?
Ron: He's right.
Fantana: He's a High-Flyer
Team 5: High-Five! High-Five! High-Five! High-Five! High-Five!
Ron: Wishes do come true you know
Champ: VAROOM!
24th (part4) 22nd (part3) 18th (part2) 14th (Part1)
24th (part4) 22nd (part3) 18th (part2) 14th (Part1)
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